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Why Do Naija Men Date American Women If They Only Want To Marry Naija Women?

Someone asked:
I am an American Woman and have been dating a Naija man for a couple of months. He has informed me that nothing will ever come of our relationship because he wants to marry a Naija woman and move back to Africa. Why even get involved with American women if you know you want to marry Naija?

Response
Only the man in question in any particular situation can candidly offer his reasons why.

Feeling free to offer some suggestions though:

As previously stated, many factors come into play (and may or may not necessarily relate to this particular case).

The age of the man.
The level of relationship (how long and how seriously they've been dating).
The initial agreement between the 2 parties. He could have initially stated that he wasn't looking for a long-term relationship, but the woman may.
The man may already be committed.
The man may have family obligations intertwined with the choice of his marriage partner.
The man may prefer to MARRY someone who comes from, understands and actually accepts his culture.
The behaviour of the woman.
Stereotypes he had about some foreign women may have ACTUALLY played out in this particular woman.
He may be using this as a break-up line. etc., etc.,

and finally,

Quote: [I cannot speak directly about all Nigerian men, but I will tell you about me. The reason why I date american women only to go back home and marry is because I am here "sowing my royal oats" - Waka-waka]

Anyone bold enough to be this honest deserves to be believed and respected for his honesty.

Though it might be a hard pill to swallow, (as previously stated) not all relationships are destined to end up in marriage.

The guy may still be in his dating phase, and though he may not be ready to marry, 2 months, 2 years or 20 years from now, he still PREFERS to select a homegrown when it comes down to the issue of MARRIAGE.

No amount of bedmatics or sexual antics can or will sway such a man, and should he sense he's been lured by sex, he'll simply play along, until he's ready to make his move.

Quote: [Hey CXSM, can you expound a little on this part of your last paragraph. ......."and should he sense he's been lured by sex, he'll simply play along, until he's ready to make his move."]

Sometimes 'some' women because they have chosen to have sexual relationships with men (regardless of whether they consider that interaction to be 'making love' or plain simple 'sex') they, because of emotional feelings that are attached (regardless of the quality and/or level of the relationship) expect that such relationships must end up in marriage.

Then, since 'some' women 'have been told' or simply 'believe' that sex can be used as an antic or even a weapon to keep the man in the relationship, they may decide to embark on the journey of feeding the guys sexual appetite and misconstruing that as an acceptance or go-ahead that the man wants them as a life partner, and when such a guy is man enough to express his desire as being contrary to their expectations, they will embark on as many antics they possibly can to sway his mind.

Most guys enjoy sex regardless of whether it's with their current mate or any other willing woman and if any man realizes that a woman is desperately trying to sway his mind by using sex as an antic, once he realizes it's fruitless trying to communicate that same decision, (if he's truly made up his mind), he will either make the mature decision and let the woman know that the relationship will never go beyond dating and opt out of the relationship, or as many opportunist men (considering they are sexual beings) will continue to enjoy the sexual relationship while setting their minds on other heights or alternative unions. (The fact that a wo/man enjoys your sexual relationship does not mean s/he wants you ironing her clothes/cooking his meals or being the father/mother of her/his kids.)

That is why 'some' men begin affairs outside the initial relationship and before the woman affected can count her toes, she'll be hearing that he's made plans to marry another woman regardless of that woman's race, nationality or ethnicity. (This is a 'man-thing' and not necessarily a 'Naija-man-thing'.)

Same goes for men who dote on women financially thinking they can buy the woman's love with $$$ after she has expressed her disinterest in marriage with a particular man. She'll either maintain her dignity and let him know no amount of money spent on dates will sway her mind, or enjoy his financial contributions while 'sometimes' simultaneously enjoying the company of another man she considers more husband worthy, or until she decides to dump him.

It goes both ways and that is why it is best to communicate one's intentions at important stages of one's relationships. Any wo/man who expresses their true desires should thus be respected rather than being dogged. At least you've been given the option to stay and partake or opt out and look for someone who shares your desires. Such are the cases of young men/women bold enough to state that their desire is for sugar mummies/daddies. There's' no sugar coating of their true intentions and each one knows the roles they have agreed to play.

No sane person wants to go through the humiliation of finding out their so-called 'current' girl/boyfriend is set to, or actually walking down the aisle to make marriage vows to another.

Cxsm
Feb. '05

© Cxsm 2005 All Rights Reserved

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May we be strengthened with the ability, willingness and capabilities to be good ambassadors of Nigeria contributing to its uplifting, rather than its detriment. - Cxsm