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 Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:05 am Post subject: |
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A friend of mine and I are returning to Nigeria shortly and we love the beautiful traditions surrounding the weddings. Americans could truly learn a lot from Nigerian hospitality. But while we have friends who are there and we have spent some time in Nigeria, we are still unclear about some of the wedding traditions. We know that there is an Introduction Ceremony, Traditional Wedding and Church Wedding (all with many night parties ). But we are not clear on what the difference is between the Engagement Ceremony and the Traditional Wedding.
Also, how much time does it take to prepare for a Nigerian wedding in Nigeria? Is there the year long planning process that we are dragged through here?
NJtoNaija
3/13/04
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| Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:07 am Post subject: |
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Hi LadyK,
In my browsing, I see that you are married to a Nigerian man. I will be marrying a Nigerian man, but we will be residing in Nigeria (at least for a few years). Any advice? There is soooo much to learn. Help!!! He is a wonderful, kind, and patient man full of the love of God, but there is so much to learn about Nigerian culture. Can you share any tips for me (and my friend who is marrying a Nigerian gentleman in November?) She also wants to know if you did any traditional ceremonies in your wedding here in the States.
NJtoNaija
3/13/04 |
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admin
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| Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:11 am Post subject: |
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Hi NJtoNaija,
Let me start with your last question, you are not put through any long preparatory period. Your preparatory period depends to a large extent to how much money you have at your disposal. However, some churches (like the catholic church) require at least six months waiting period (in Lagos archdioces) but you can start now if you are catholics.
There is really no difference between the traditinal and engagement. Our brothers from the western part of the country use the term engagement more while thse from the eastern side us traditinal. You sound like your bobo is from yoruba speaking area..... you talked about night parties... na dem sabi enjoy, they party a lot and their parties are usally hm.... I live in Lagos so don't for get to invite me if it's happening there. In fact I don't need an i/v. just tell me the time and place and I will be there LIVE and of course with my friends!! na so Naija be, we don't need i/vs the the celebrants don't mind, there's usually enough food and drinks to go round, more especially if na our yoruba brothers dey host the party.
If you need anybody to help make your outfits, give me a shout, that's what I earn my living from, making breathtaking traditional outfits.
So once again welcome and we look forward to seeing you in Naija.
Nonye
3/13/04 |
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| Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:17 am Post subject: |
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| Sola wrote: | I witnessed a traditional yoruba wedding in NJ a few weeks ago. My first in this country. I was quite impressed that nothing changed in the process of translating that process from Nigeria to the US. Well, other than that the groom's family were not well represented, being mostly in Nigeria and members of the bride's family split up into two factions and one crossed over to represent the groom's missing family.
The leading ladies still had that fun exchange and play on words they're wont to. Singing and dancing and colorful yoruba headties reigned. Food and drinks were in abundance as always - and more people than expected showed up. Yet, the food did not run out. One of those things in America I do not understand... I mean how they plan to the last seat and you have to confirm attendance. Can you just stop by without an invitation at these functions in America? All Nigerian gigs like these are open for all - unless the high and mighty are having their exclusive boogies. |
Weddings can be quite expensive that's why Americans tend to do it the way they do. My sisters wedding is budgeted at 30,000 and that is not including her engagment ring or their wedding bands which all together will be no less that 10,000. I don't plan on having a 30,000 wedding since I want us to own a home within two years of marriage (I cannot do the rent thing), so people will just have to be reasonable. Most catering is usually an average of 35.00 a plate. That's a lot and I don't want my mother, sisters or aunties sweating over a pot of jollof life or whatever on my wedding day so catering is a must. No negotiating that one. You almost don't have a choice anymore. Weddings are so damn expensive and even cutting cost will still put you at an average of 12,000.00. I refuse to sweat down the aisle simply because he spent too much on the wedding and I am not sure what the future holds. I think it is actually irresponsible.
Uzoma
5/5/04 |
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| Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:20 am Post subject: |
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I went to my old roommate's wedding. The bride is Vietnamese, and the husband is British. There were 16 of us there. I must have cried through out the ceremony.
And through it all, I was just wandering why: why put myself through the rigamarole of feeding, entertaining and tending to 1000 guests as we normally do. Why? Why force people who may have other things to do to come for a wedding just because of some old-time obligation? Eh? Why?
I got to make some tight friends through the wedding I witnessed, and I learned a few valuable things along the way.
Do I love my Nigerian weddings? YES!! Without a doubt. But after seeing the stress-free nuptials that I was a part of, I really began to ask myself questions about what the essence of a wedding truly is, and what would truly suit me as a person.
Trutalk
5/5/04 |
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| Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:21 am Post subject: |
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Personally, I feel each to his own. To be honest I love Naija weddings, but as Uzoma pointed out, I don't want to get into debt if I can help it! When my turn comes, depending on the lady of course, I'll opt for something not too lavish like 500 guest or something. A nice hotel reception etc.
ciao
The Dreamer
5/6/04 |
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admin
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| Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:23 am Post subject: |
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Wedding a la Naija style could be expensive if you so desire. But everything depends on the couple. My wedding was at home but my spouse and I did it on a Tuesday, 9a.m. It was at a catholic church chapel with few of our closest friends and family. Before una say anything, both of us come from a typical Naija family, plenty sibblings, but we chose it to be that way. The "reception" was in our home after which everybody including my oko went back to work (he has to be there to make sure his server is up) and I stayed home talking with friends that stopped by.
So it's really your choice. But that doesn't mean I don't like big weddings, just that it'll rather be Ada's .
Nonye
5/7/04 |
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admin
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| Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:52 am Post subject: Nigerian Native Law and Custom Of Marriage |
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Nigerian Native Law and Custom Of Marriage.
Marie Ubamadu
In the eastern part of Nigeria, West Africa and in other parts of the continent, there exists a bonding in marriage called the native law and custom of marriage.
When a young man sees a girl he would like to marry, he sends emissaries in the person of his parents or uncles to the girl's family. His family brings palm wine to inquire about the girl and inform her father or uncle of the interest of their son in their daughter. Kola nutsare shared to welcome them, and they all drink the palm wine. The girl's family will ask them to come back in four or eight days (four days are counted by market days.) This allows the family time to ask their daughter about the man and to also start their own investigation of the family the young man comes from.
On the eight day, the young man's family returns bringing palm wine, kola nuts and food, which are shared. If she agrees to have his hand in marriage, and her family is pleased with their investigation, then the customary process begins. A list of things are enumerated which includes presents of cloths, tobacco, palm wine, hot drinks, food items (e.g. rice, yams, stock fish) salt, pomade, soap, kerosene, matches, basin, umbrella, etc. These presents will be given to the bride's parents. Some of the items will be given to the women, men, and children of the village to notify them of the impending marriage of their daughter. Depending on their income, the groom's family will only buy what they can afford and promise to give the rest later.
On the next appointed day, the groom's family will go to the bride?s family and present the gifts. The bride's family will tell them what the bride's price will be. It is on this day that the date is set for the native law and custom ceremony. It is also the day when the women of both families cook a large sumptuous meal and the men provide lots of palm wine.
There is an aura of celebration each time the in-laws come. They are well dressed in native attire as they are going to welcome a wife into their family. On this occasion, the bride will be allowed to go to the groom's home, and stay for four days, as they say, 'to know the land'.
The day of the native law and custom ceremony is filled with pomp and pageantry. Everyone who is near and dear to the two families is invited either orally or in writing. The bride's home will be bustling with people preparing food and bringing wine of all sorts. Dance groups may also be invited. Canopies are set up and chairs are brought in. This is an evening affair, and when the music begins, all roads will lead to the bride's family because both families will be related in marriage.
Before the ceremony, the men from both families will go in to a room to find out what the groom's family brought for the bride's price. There is no fast set rules about this custom. It is more of a token of goodwill and the bride's family will accept whatever the groom's family can afford. The bride's family will add that they want their daughter to be well taken cared, shake hands and thank each other. When they emerge from the room, they take their seats and kola nuts will be presented to the people. An announcement is made as to why they have gathered.
The bride's mother is presented to the people and the in-laws. She will be dressed in her best as she comes to acknowledge the people. She may be showered with monetary gifts. Immediately, the drums will start and the bride, gaily dressed steps out with her mates. She walks up to her father, who gives her a cup of palm wine and ask her to show him the man she has chosen. She begins a pseudo-search into the crowd of men for her husband who is deliberately hiding among his friends. When she finds him, he will be dressed in his best cloths too. They will walk up to her father, or uncle and she will announce in a loud voice that he is her husband-to-be. She sips the wine and gives it to the groom. He finishes the wine, places some money in the cup and hands the cup the father-in-law. Everyone cheers for them. The bride and the groom then go inside and come back out dressed in matching or identical clothing. They both take their seat on a reserved spot.
The bride's father steps forward and pours libation, blessing their union. The paternal and maternal uncles also come and pour libation and bless them. Some times both mothers are allowed to come and bless and pray for them. Finally, the chief or the oldest man in the village pours libation of unity to solidify the relation between both families. The couple gets up and dances and is showered with monetary gifts. The feasting continues into the night. When the man's family leaves happily with the new bride, there are some somber moments in the bride's family as tender hearts shed tears of joy after the native law and custom ceremony has taken place which recognizes the law of the land.
Glossary
Palm wine: A white sap that is extracted from raffia and palm tree as alcohol.
Kola nut: A nut from a pod gathered from kola trees in the tropics. It has lobes.
Market days: The first four days are regarded as the biggest and the next four days as the smallest (4 market days are Nkwo, Eke, Orie, and Afor)
Bride's price: The token of money given by the son-in-law to the family for their daughter.
Showering: The voluntary placing of money on the face of a dancer to show appreciation. Also referred to as spraying.
Libation: The tipping out of wine on the ground while simultaneously blessing with words of wisdom on special occasions by the most elderly person.
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May we be strengthened with the ability, willingness and capabilities to be good ambassadors of Nigeria contributing to its uplifting, rather than its detriment. - Cxsm |
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admin
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| Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:55 am Post subject: |
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Considering this is what happens in the 'eastern part" of Nigeria, what happens in the Western/Southern and Nothern regions?
Though probably similar I'm sure there are some distinct differences. Can anyone enlighten us?
In the east the | Quote: | | the bride will be allowed to go to the groom's home, and stay for four days, as they say, 'to know the land'. |
What happens in the other regions?
Cxsm
5/22/04
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May we be strengthened with the ability, willingness and capabilities to be good ambassadors of Nigeria contributing to its uplifting, rather than its detriment. - Cxsm |
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