The Devastating Effects of War on Families

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The Devastating Effects of War on Families

Though wars can be avoided, they do they place when conflicting regions or countries cannot resolve their issues amicable, with maturity, discipline or without being emotional and/or vindictive. Sometimes other regions and nations are drawn into existing wars making it more difficult for resolution. Regardless of the causes of war and their duration, the fact remains that human beings are affected in various ways and sometimes traumatically.

Families are sometimes torn apart, marriages ruined, lives and properties lost and memories destroyed; and the traumas and effects of these sometimes remain long after the wars themselves are over.

Sometimes the animousity caused by effects of war are never resolved and conflicting parties resolve to disconnecting themselves permanently from their former opponents. All this does is further cause bigger wedges them and sometimes the generations to come.

Though painful, it is sometimes easier to bear the death of a family member than knowing they are being kept as prisoners of war, not knowing whether one will ever see them alive again or not.

Sometimes wars are long over, but the regions and nations that were once at war make rules and policies that make their population or citizens unable to disengage from the traumas of the war.

Such is the case of of North and South Korea, whose war ended over 50 years ago, but the countries have remained seperated to date. A sporadic program has been created to unite some of the families seperated by war, who have lived in seperate countries unable to unite with their family members and loved ones because of the estranged relationship between the two counties.

For some of the privileged ones who have been chosen it is a life-awaited dream come true, but for some others the dream came too late, since they died while waiting for the opportunity to reunite with their family and loved ones. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/200909...n_re_as/as_koreas_family_reunions

For others who were not chosen in the program to enjoy this privilege of meeting family members on the other side, since they do not have the privilege to just get up and travel to go visit them due to their country's national policy, they can only continue to dream and pray they too will have the opportunity to unite with their family members before they die.

While such a rare opportunity of been chosen to meet with long lost family members helps bring closure for some, it sometimes opens very deep wounds for others, as they get to relive the memories of what seperated them in the first place.

While the physical effects of war are visible for all to see and may be resolved over time, the unseen psychological effects which can be more dangerous are sometimes unresolved in a lifetime.

We hear of and see families torn apart, marriages destroyed and minds totally destroyed after family members return or fail to return from wars. A mind trained to war and see other human beings as enemies, does not immediately return to its pre-war stage. No matter how many wars any human being has fought, or how hardened, unless a person is psychotic, it is not easy to switch from a warring mind to a normal one, unless the person was not an active participant in the war.

Soldiers and other military, airforce and naval personnel who have been in combat are usually debriefed, and more or less deprogrammed before returning to mainstream society, and if not done, or improperly done, they may never fit normally into society because of the after-effects of war that remain with them.

It's no wonder that there are a significant number of war veterans who are divorced, psychologically afffected and have difficulties coping with their families or at their jobs, while some others have become permanent residents in mental hospitals, or have become outright homeless due to the residual effects of war that caused them to be displaced from their once loving home environments.

While the ex-soldiers, officers, etc, are fighting their demons, their families also sometimes have very real difficulties coping with the changed personalities of the loved ones whom they are happy came home alive, but whom they may no longer be able to understand or cope with. To some their spouses, parents, siblings or children who have returned from war seem to still be in a combative mode, and can't seem to ever the release the combat 'switch', despite their change of environment.

For such the only way of coping may be to let go, or to resolve to living a a very strained relationship with their returned loved ones. While some adults may cope better than others, it's usually more difficult for children to cope, unless they are too young to know or accept the difference.

Sometimes the 'high' of going to war and returning alive stays with those who have gone to combat and they feel compelled to return to war, even if they don't have to, and this can be very stressful for their family members and loved ones.

Such families live with the dread of the possibility that they may not come back alive the next time. Also, it is not easy to raise a family with an absent parent, especially when such parent may be gone for an unspecified length of time, and this will take its toil, which if not properly addressed will cause an unrepairable rift.

This is the reason why some spouses end up having affairs or divorcing their significant others who are at war. The fear of seperation on the other hand, has compelled some couples to tie the knot and get married before their significant other goes to war; but this choice may become burdensome for some of those who have made such decisions rashly, once the reality of their choice sets in. Thereality of being marriedin name only and becoming a widow ofsomeone with whom marriage was neither actualized, experienced or enjoyed can be quite devastating.

Also, it can be a trying period for parents whose children go to war, especially those for whom it might be an only child. The possibility of losing an only child in war, especially in cases where the wars may be prolonged or senseless, can be quite devastating. No matter the honour of having a child die fighting for a nation, the reality of having a healthy son or daughter walk away with his legs and then returning decapitated, psychologically affected or in a coffin is not desirable for anyone, let alone a family member.

A family would rather have a living hero than a missing, mentally-disconnected, fallen or dead one. While it is easier to seek and try to maintain regional, national or world peace, so far a struggle exists for power or a bigger piece of the world-pie, deserved or not; war may be remain inevitable, but it is advisable and desirable to know how to better cope with the aftermath, before more and more families are destroyed.

The step to making peace begins with you and me, so does the choice to learn and practice forgiveness, as well as learning how to apologize before issues escalate. If we try to love one another more genuinely rather feeling superior and unrepentive when we have wronged one another, it will be easier to move away from starting wars and the devastating effects that ensue afterwards and live in regional, national and world peace.

Cxsm
26th Sept. 09

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