Nigerian Weddings

admin · Nigerian Weddings

Nigerian Weddings

Now to get into a little of the Nigerian culture. I'm sure every member or visitor had been to, participated in or at least heard of Nigerian weddings.

As different as our cultures sometimes are because of the differences in regions, languages and practices; in totallity, Nigerian weddings are unique in ways enviable to non-Nigerians.

Here's an opportunity for us to share this aspect of our culture with others from within and outside Nigeria, beginning with the engagement process, wherein the couples have the formal engagement, right up until when the bride is taken to the groom's home on the wedding night.

Those contemplating marrying Nigerians can learn what to expect and those non-Nigerians already married to Nigerians who didn't have the atypical marriage ceremony can learn on what they might have missed out on. This is why sometimes some couples though married on paper for years, eventually return home to partake in the traditional wedding they missed out on.

Since the processes (including dowry significancies or insignificancies) and ceremonies differ between the regions, e.g. Ibo, Hausa/Fulani and Yoruba, it would be nice to share wedding stories from the different regions for some of us Nigerians to also learn about and better appreciate our differences.

If anyone has information on how mail-ordered or imported brides/grooms, and absentee weddings are conducted, please share this with us also.

Also, anyone care to share details of how a traditional engagement ceremony from their side of town is?

Cxsm
3/1/04

admin

admin

Sola, I guess that is how we Americans are. We plan for everything here! Ha ha, I am the Chairperson of a Black Program here at work and we always ask for people to confirm their attendance because we have to buy food. The last program we had, we bought a 50 piece bucket of chicken and all the fixings and guess what, only 7 people showed up. The next event we bought less food and more people showed up. It's a catch 22 position.

Most of the events I go to are catered especially our family events like reunions and birthday parties for those special birthday years like 80 and 90. It just makes it easier to plan. Even for my family reunion, we plan two years in advance and take head counts. You even get sent a meal ticket so you can get dinner! Sounds silly but the method works!

LadyK
3/11/04

admin

Hmm...LadyK, maybe I should call you when the door knock comes? With your extensive experience, I am sure you will do a great job. Haba, here's a thought, as per your previous comment...Why dont we start planning now, so that in 3 - 4years time, everything will go smoothly.

( I'm just ribbing, you know).

But the whole idea of planning so far ahead...In terms of African, especially Nigerian, functions, there are a few givens that go uncontested:

1) One RSVP is good for 10 people. Knowing how good we are with welcoming people, etc, we understand that all the neices and nephews that have been forced on...Sorry, entrusted to you...will think you a bad host if you just left them alone at home.

2) As per naija tradition, you never turn people away...That's a shame. It says bad things about your ability to forecast the over-attendance, as a host

3) One Naija man = three normal food portions. And the food must never run out, so these calculations have to enter the budget. And then agian, my sister, you never know whether this person visiting from Poland for three days who heard about this Naija wedding, and decided to attend, last ate bokoto, ogbono, or iyan three years ago. He has to make up for that, now!

4) As the Naijas we are, there must be sumpn-sumpn to pack home. Not for everyone, oh! But you know, the little nieces that volunteer to help with the serving, the older women that help with the igbeyawo last minute, the old babas that help to drop people off in their houses, and all that. They have to be considered, Naija style.

All the above considerations takne, how, tell me, how, how will a head count ever suffice in terms of planning?

Trutalk
3/11/04

admin

TruTalk, you are too funny. In my family, it is expected that you RSVP to show up at the family reunion. We've being doing it that way for over 30 years and in my family, it seems to work. Our reunions are held at hotels so there is no packing up of leftover food. The hotel gets a count and they are responsible to keep the food coming out since we pay them a hefty price. We don't like to have our relatives slaving away in the kitchens! We don't see them often so we like to use that time to enjoy our relatives. One of these good old days, I will invite you to a southern style family reunion! You will be surprised how much planning goes into them from the reserved bank accounts, planning the menus, getting the tour buses, reservations, prices, designing the family tee shirt and whatever else is included. It is basically a production. At one family reunion I attended in 2000, we had over 500 family members show up so I guess that is large scale for us. Hence, this is the reason no one cooks at our gathering. Hire some company to do it for you.

Our reunion typically takes place over a three to four day period which means we need food for the entire time plus snacks in between. It's a grand affair cause on Saturday nights, we dress in our best and come to the family ball where our relatives will speak, sing, play music or whatever. People get awards...my grandma always gets the award for the person who turned in their reunion dues first! Anyway, it's just a showcase to show who graduated, who got married, promoted, had a baby or got their PhD or whatever the case might be.

Wow, I am fired up now for our reunion this year! This year it's in Mississippi. The year before it was in Memphis, then Detriot, then Saint Louis and many other places like Charlotte, NC.

LadyK
3/11/04

admin

LadyK, it sounds like your good ole family reunion will be sort of like the normal Naija wedding. I actually went to one of my college friends' family reunions in ATL. It was off the hook! Not as many as 500 people, though, I dont think...

Three years ago, one of my friends got married here in the US. It was honestly the most spectacular wedding I have ever witnessed on this side of the atlantic...Six hundred guests at the wedding ceremony itself. Let's not talk about the reception, etc. The wedding was held in the DC area, and people flew in from Naija, from South Africa, from England, from Aussie, there were people from Alaska (no kidding), Cali, Florida...It was like people I hadnt seen since I was in the fifth grade were there. I definitely felt old...

I think the great thing about Naija weddings is that you are expected to help with serving, cooking, etc. It's part of how we keep tradition alive. Plus instead of sitting down and eating, you get to circulate and meet people. A lot of friends asked if they could contribute anything in addition to the gifts they gave...So there were people who brought kegs of plam wine with them, some brought pots of ogbono, egusi, efo, eba, amala...You know, just Naija love, because the girl is extra-ordinary, and these are people that pretty much grew up together, as in college, working colleagues, and then visiting each other when they started raising families here.

Of course, there was asho egbe flowing. Lace, jacquard, aso oke, damask, in all forms and all colors. The oyinbo and AA people that came for the wedding were totally flabergasted during the spraying of the couple, and during the presentation of the dowry to the bride. We were definitely shining in the moment as a people!

It was then that I knew that there are Naija catering businesses in almost every major city in the US. I got ideas for business. If any one is interested, holla at me, there is definitely money to be made as per Naija weddings in the US, because you know how vain our women are

Trutalk
3/11/04

admin · What is the spraying of a couple? LadyK 3/11/04

What is the spraying of a couple?

LadyK
3/11/04

admin

LadyK, it's showering/plastering them with some good old greenbacks/benjamins/banknotes. Its very common among Nigerians, particularly the Yorubas. We just call it "spraying" in Nigerian English.(Yes, apart from pidgin we also have Standard Nigerian English.)

ciao
The Dreamer
3/11/04

admin

No one gave me my spraying here in the states???? I am still waiting. Actually, the honey-do and I got married at the old county courthouse. My parents live in Tennessee and couldn't make it but they did throw us a reception when we visited them for Christmas. If anyone wants to spray me, I will give you my paypal email and you can make your deposits there!!!

LadyK
3/11/04

admin · Spraying is the equivalent of the 'money dance' in the U.S. Cxsm 3/11/04

Spraying is the equivalent of the 'money dance' in the U.S.

Cxsm
3/11/04

admin

A friend of mine and I are returning to Nigeria shortly and we love the beautiful traditions surrounding the weddings. Americans could truly learn a lot from Nigerian hospitality. But while we have friends who are there and we have spent some time in Nigeria, we are still unclear about some of the wedding traditions. We know that there is an Introduction Ceremony, Traditional Wedding and Church Wedding (all with many night parties ). But we are not clear on what the difference is between the Engagement Ceremony and the Traditional Wedding.
Also, how much time does it take to prepare for a Nigerian wedding in Nigeria? Is there the year long planning process that we are dragged through here?

NJtoNaija
3/13/04

admin

Hi LadyK,

In my browsing, I see that you are married to a Nigerian man. I will be marrying a Nigerian man, but we will be residing in Nigeria (at least for a few years). Any advice? There is soooo much to learn. Help!!! He is a wonderful, kind, and patient man full of the love of God, but there is so much to learn about Nigerian culture. Can you share any tips for me (and my friend who is marrying a Nigerian gentleman in November?) She also wants to know if you did any traditional ceremonies in your wedding here in the States.

NJtoNaija
3/13/04

admin

Hi NJtoNaija,

Let me start with your last question, you are not put through any long preparatory period. Your preparatory period depends to a large extent to how much money you have at your disposal. However, some churches (like the catholic church) require at least six months waiting period (in Lagos archdioces) but you can start now if you are catholics.

There is really no difference between the traditinal and engagement. Our brothers from the western part of the country use the term engagement more while thse from the eastern side us traditinal. You sound like your bobo is from yoruba speaking area..... you talked about night parties... na dem sabi enjoy, they party a lot and their parties are usally hm.... I live in Lagos so don't for get to invite me if it's happening there. In fact I don't need an i/v. just tell me the time and place and I will be there LIVE and of course with my friends!! na so Naija be, we don't need i/vs the the celebrants don't mind, there's usually enough food and drinks to go round, more especially if na our yoruba brothers dey host the party.

If you need anybody to help make your outfits, give me a shout, that's what I earn my living from, making breathtaking traditional outfits.
So once again welcome and we look forward to seeing you in Naija.

Nonye
3/13/04

admin

admin

I went to my old roommate's wedding. The bride is Vietnamese, and the husband is British. There were 16 of us there. I must have cried through out the ceremony.

And through it all, I was just wandering why: why put myself through the rigamarole of feeding, entertaining and tending to 1000 guests as we normally do. Why? Why force people who may have other things to do to come for a wedding just because of some old-time obligation? Eh? Why?

I got to make some tight friends through the wedding I witnessed, and I learned a few valuable things along the way.

Do I love my Nigerian weddings? YES!! Without a doubt. But after seeing the stress-free nuptials that I was a part of, I really began to ask myself questions about what the essence of a wedding truly is, and what would truly suit me as a person.

Trutalk
5/5/04

admin

Personally, I feel each to his own. To be honest I love Naija weddings, but as Uzoma pointed out, I don't want to get into debt if I can help it! When my turn comes, depending on the lady of course, I'll opt for something not too lavish like 500 guest or something. A nice hotel reception etc.

ciao
The Dreamer
5/6/04

admin

Wedding a la Naija style could be expensive if you so desire. But everything depends on the couple. My wedding was at home but my spouse and I did it on a Tuesday, 9a.m. It was at a catholic church chapel with few of our closest friends and family. Before una say anything, both of us come from a typical Naija family, plenty sibblings, but we chose it to be that way. The "reception" was in our home after which everybody including my oko went back to work (he has to be there to make sure his server is up) and I stayed home talking with friends that stopped by.
So it's really your choice. But that doesn't mean I don't like big weddings, just that it'll rather be Ada's .

Nonye
5/7/04

admin · Nigerian Native Law and Custom Of Marriage

Nigerian Native Law and Custom Of Marriage.

Marie Ubamadu

In the eastern part of Nigeria, West Africa and in other parts of the continent, there exists a bonding in marriage called the native law and custom of marriage.

When a young man sees a girl he would like to marry, he sends emissaries in the person of his parents or uncles to the girl's family. His family brings palm wine to inquire about the girl and inform her father or uncle of the interest of their son in their daughter. Kola nutsare shared to welcome them, and they all drink the palm wine. The girl's family will ask them to come back in four or eight days (four days are counted by market days.) This allows the family time to ask their daughter about the man and to also start their own investigation of the family the young man comes from.

On the eight day, the young man's family returns bringing palm wine, kola nuts and food, which are shared. If she agrees to have his hand in marriage, and her family is pleased with their investigation, then the customary process begins. A list of things are enumerated which includes presents of cloths, tobacco, palm wine, hot drinks, food items (e.g. rice, yams, stock fish) salt, pomade, soap, kerosene, matches, basin, umbrella, etc. These presents will be given to the bride's parents. Some of the items will be given to the women, men, and children of the village to notify them of the impending marriage of their daughter. Depending on their income, the groom's family will only buy what they can afford and promise to give the rest later.

On the next appointed day, the groom's family will go to the bride?s family and present the gifts. The bride's family will tell them what the bride's price will be. It is on this day that the date is set for the native law and custom ceremony. It is also the day when the women of both families cook a large sumptuous meal and the men provide lots of palm wine.

There is an aura of celebration each time the in-laws come. They are well dressed in native attire as they are going to welcome a wife into their family. On this occasion, the bride will be allowed to go to the groom's home, and stay for four days, as they say, 'to know the land'.

The day of the native law and custom ceremony is filled with pomp and pageantry. Everyone who is near and dear to the two families is invited either orally or in writing. The bride's home will be bustling with people preparing food and bringing wine of all sorts. Dance groups may also be invited. Canopies are set up and chairs are brought in. This is an evening affair, and when the music begins, all roads will lead to the bride's family because both families will be related in marriage.

Before the ceremony, the men from both families will go in to a room to find out what the groom's family brought for the bride's price. There is no fast set rules about this custom. It is more of a token of goodwill and the bride's family will accept whatever the groom's family can afford. The bride's family will add that they want their daughter to be well taken cared, shake hands and thank each other. When they emerge from the room, they take their seats and kola nuts will be presented to the people. An announcement is made as to why they have gathered.

The bride's mother is presented to the people and the in-laws. She will be dressed in her best as she comes to acknowledge the people. She may be showered with monetary gifts. Immediately, the drums will start and the bride, gaily dressed steps out with her mates. She walks up to her father, who gives her a cup of palm wine and ask her to show him the man she has chosen. She begins a pseudo-search into the crowd of men for her husband who is deliberately hiding among his friends. When she finds him, he will be dressed in his best cloths too. They will walk up to her father, or uncle and she will announce in a loud voice that he is her husband-to-be. She sips the wine and gives it to the groom. He finishes the wine, places some money in the cup and hands the cup the father-in-law. Everyone cheers for them. The bride and the groom then go inside and come back out dressed in matching or identical clothing. They both take their seat on a reserved spot.

The bride's father steps forward and pours libation, blessing their union. The paternal and maternal uncles also come and pour libation and bless them. Some times both mothers are allowed to come and bless and pray for them. Finally, the chief or the oldest man in the village pours libation of unity to solidify the relation between both families. The couple gets up and dances and is showered with monetary gifts. The feasting continues into the night. When the man's family leaves happily with the new bride, there are some somber moments in the bride's family as tender hearts shed tears of joy after the native law and custom ceremony has taken place which recognizes the law of the land.

Glossary

Palm wine: A white sap that is extracted from raffia and palm tree as alcohol.

Kola nut: A nut from a pod gathered from kola trees in the tropics. It has lobes.

Market days: The first four days are regarded as the biggest and the next four days as the smallest (4 market days are Nkwo, Eke, Orie, and Afor)

Bride's price: The token of money given by the son-in-law to the family for their daughter.

Showering: The voluntary placing of money on the face of a dancer to show appreciation. Also referred to as spraying.

Libation: The tipping out of wine on the ground while simultaneously blessing with words of wisdom on special occasions by the most elderly person.

admin · What happens in the other regions? Cxsm 5/22/04

Considering this is what happens in the 'eastern part" of Nigeria, what happens in the Western/Southern and Nothern regions?

Though probably similar I'm sure there are some distinct differences. Can anyone enlighten us?

In the east the

admin · Nigerian Traditional Wedding

Video Clips of Nigerian Traditional Weddings

Yoruba
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QUXecdpfzY

Edo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmbVS4uo2Lw

Rivers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVdxg8AqMoQ&feature=related

Aba
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJb_-WTAKDY

An Interracial Wedding Held in Nigeria
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzhC85biZJw

admin

Hausa [Interracial] Wedding
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKg_Um__-rY&feature=related

Nigerian Village Wedding
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJb_-WTAKDY&NR=1

Traditional Wedding
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jK9RXbcA1k&feature=related

Nite Angel

The absentee weddings leave me dumbfounded. In some instance the younger ones are asked to sit-in to represent the bride or groom or both.

In one instance the bride was abroad and the younger sister actually played the role of bride including doing the bridal dance and getting all the spray money. Smart girl, she kept every Kobo for the physical, pychological stress and possibly future trauma.

A senior colleague had to play host to such nonsense when her would be husband couldn't make it in. His younger brother stood in for her. Unfortunately, years after herself and her real husband got into an argument and the husband made the error of carelessly saying "se mo ba e ti owo bo iwe ni" (translators please). Too bad for his mouth, that was strong enough to warrant a divorce and a request for a do over.

I just don't get it. It's okay for families to choose to exchange gifts, yam, wine, et al but when you now begin to do marriage by representation the question is who is actually getting married the representatives or those represented?

But with all the craze for travel abroad some are forced into yet another style of wedding, which I would call photoshop wedding where those representatives are digitally swapped with the real folks just to pass through the visa hurdle. Wahala wa o; when things begin to malfunction you really can't blame technology or westernization.