admin
|
Mr. MomMr. Mom
No man wants to be described as a trifling dead beat no-good loser. However each man that is described as such, knows that he faced his own amount of social complexities to lead him there, no matter how regretfully. But in the end he is still seen as the same old dead beat in many people`s eyes, even in the eyes of his own child.
So plenty of brothers fear this label even more and do all they can to avoid it. They discover that much of what it takes to be a man is not everything it takes to be a father and may face moments when they question which they`d want to identify strongest with. This is exactly what Ta-Nehisi Coates discovered, but found that it was not too tough of a decision.
As a 26-year-old African American male, my weekdays get off to an atypical start. It doesn't begin with a rushed shower in a mad dash for work. Weekdays begin for me with seeing my partner off to work and hearing my 21-month-old son chant one of about five words he's mastered. "Juice? Juice?" is his favorite morning babble. And so it begins, another day in the twilight zone as a black "Mr. Mom."
On paper, everything about my life is wrong: My partner and I aren`t married - we're not even engaged. I went to college but didn't graduate. My home life fits the demographic that conservatives like to cite for everything that`s wrong with the Black family. In the current welfare reform bill being bandied about the Senate, marriage is slated to be encouraged among the poor (who are disproportionately Black) as a way out of poverty. Several critics have noted that the problem isn`t so much marriage, as it is birth control, and then parenting.
When Samori was born, it was a bit late for the birth control solution, so my partner and I focused on our parenting. We discovered something that many Black couples also find - the woman has the greater earning potential. From this we gleaned a wondrous solution to the problem of child care and quality time with our son - I would have to get an apron and "play" June Cleaver.
In the process, I have been able to forge a relatively unique relationship with my son by changing diapers, giving baths, and cutting hair. But perhaps more important, I have begun teaching Samori that gender roles should not be a matter of tradition, but simply whatever works best.
In the Black community, the responsibility of taking care of family has always fallen on the woman`s shoulders. From bringing home the bacon to frying it, Black women have carried much of the load. Perhaps a re-evaluation of what it means to be a man and a father can help. It`s no secret that Black men tend to be less employable than Black women. But you play the cards you`re dealt, even if it means sacrificing your macho persona.
So I still can swill beer and talk football with the best of them, but now I can also warm bottles and change diapers.
[Ta-Nehisi Coates is a freelance writer living in Brooklyn, New York.]
|
