Examining the Real Reasons 'Some' Nigerian Men Return Home

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Examining the 'Real' Reasons 'Some' Nigerian Men Return Home to Find a Bride.

It sounds charming to say that "the reason that Naija men return home to marry is because they want someone who share the same values, lifestyle as they do," but is that the whole truth? Fortunately, for those without specks in their eyes, a lot of Nigerian women with these same values and lifestyles also exist in abundance in the Diaspora.

I agree that some men want women whom they believe will be as subservient as their Mothers were to their Fathers, forgetting that the world has clearly changed, and sometimes due to the changing economic and social climate in Nigeria, some of the women in Nigeria are even more exposed, and a lot smarter than Nigerian women abroad when it comes to reeling in an unsuspecting Nigerian man searching for a home grown bride.

Also, there are some men, who have troubling character flaws, or have committed atrocities in their Diasporan countries, and prefer to go to a virgin land, where NO one knows their true character to snag women who will adore them, UNTIL they too realize that these men are NO good and thus dump them after their arrival to the Diasporan countries, or after they have secured their immigration documents.

Equally, there are some women who are simply waiting and lurking around for unsuspecting Mooghoos who are on a sojourn to find home grown women, and these women are great actresses until their mission of migrating abroad is fulfilled.

Some other men lack dating skills and/or are used to having their families dictate most things including their love lives to them; and these equally succumb to the call to come home and get a village girl, who may end up more promiscuous and character deficient than some of the Nigerian women in the Diaspora whom they shunned. These tend to be the men who have brought 2 to 3 women from home, with each marriage equally failing as the one that preceded it.

While some men go home specifically to bring women who they feel they can lure into augmenting their financial dispositions. These type go home to bring back a woman of any profession, only to convince her to go into the nursing field, an investment with a quick turnover, so she can augment his salary while he remains in his own dead end job; yet he will still try to control her. No wonder most of the women caught in this disposition bail once they find their grounding and of course, usually after they get their green card.

Then there are some men who are simply intimidated by the caliber of Nigerian women in the Diaspora, the only way they can find their level is by going home to find their match. Should such men find women better than them, the sensible ones would adore and cherish such women, while their not so smart counterparts will maltreat their until the women eventually dump them.

Yes, there are some women in the Diaspora that indeed need to be sidestepped for women with better morals and values, but it doesn't require an expensive venture to find a Nigerian woman of one's dreams who may or may not turn out to be worse than the caliber of women whom the men lumped together and sidestepped. The grass is NOT ALWAYS greener on the other side of the fence.

Finding a good mate, wife or husband, encompasses a lot more than sharing the same national origin, but if that is one of the main requirements, then one equally needs to 1] seek someone with whom they are on equal standing, not a subservient mate, as this will eventually also have it's repercussions the minute the subservient mate opens their eyes to recognize that they have a right NOT to be or remain subservient; 2] seek someone who shares their values and lifestyles, which is easier to find in the same environment than in an environment which they themselves have not been accustomed to in a long while; 3] seek someone who can understand their approach, mannerisms, expectations, desires, etc.; 4] seek someone who understands and is easier to work with in the system and society to which they are accustomed; 5] seek someone with whom they can share mutual respect; etc., among other reasonable qualifications.

It is well and good to find a mate with whom one shares a national origin, language, culture, food, etc., regardless of whether that mate is in the Diaspora or in Nigeria, but one should also remember that these alone while they might smoothen the entry, do not guarantee a smooth relationship or marriage. In addition to these, other factors that can facilitate a potentially successful marriage should be considered.

Seeking a mate for selfish and unrealistic reasons can only lead to woes and contribute to the growing divorce statistics, wherein any offspring conceived in these relationships become the statistics or single parenting, children of divorced parents and children with the potential to develop all kinds of behavioral deficiencies and other issues. It also contributes to the list of growing enemies, factions of family discord, and stress building, such as that which is now causing some Nigerian men to become part of the statistics of women abusers and now murderers in the Diaspora.

To each his own, but be wise, discerning and very realistic in whatever your choice, as only you will live with the person you choose to marry, regardless of their race, national origin, language, culture, religion, beauty, morals, values, lifestyle, wealth and/or social standing.

Cxsm
16th Nov. '05

© Cxsm 2005 All Rights Reserved

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Re: [naija-women] Examining the 'Real' Reasons 'Some' Nigerian Men Return Home to Find a Bride

Yes, such men fall into different categories: controlling men, wayo men, mama's or baba's boys, moomoo men, men with wannabe complex (usually nationalistic/tribalistic men), men with inferiority complex, good men, etc.

Ogunsu
11/19/05