Dating Trends

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Older Women/Younger Men Relationships

Almost one-third of women between ages 40 and 69 are dating younger men (defined as 10 or more years younger).

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. These pioneering couples are just the most visible December-May hookups of older women dating younger men.

Braving "robbing the cradle" jokes, almost one-third of women between ages 40 and 69 are dating younger men (defined as 10 or more years younger). According to a recent AARP poll, one-sixth of women in their 50s, in fact, prefer men in their 40s.

It's not what you think -- the stamina or "re-boot" ability of the younger male. The women like the flexibility and sense of adventure of their more spontaneous, younger companions, Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a licensed family therapist in practice in Long Beach, Calif., and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again, tells WebMD. For their part, the men like the sophistication and life success of their older mates, she explains. The much touted idea that women peak sexually in their 30s and men in their teens does not enter into it -- most of these couples are beyond both those age periods.

Other Reasons Behind This Trend

According to Tessina, other reasons underlying this expansion of everyone's dating choices include:

Older women are looking better every day, thanks to creative medical advances and a gym on every corner. Women are more likely to come back on the dating market because of divorce and a longer expected life span. Not as many women are looking for the picket fence and two cars. Now companionship, travel, and fun are coming to the forefront.

Women may also want a man with a less-developed career who could follow her or take care of children, IF that is a factor. For their part, younger men often find older women more interesting, experimental, fun to talk to, financially settled, and more adept sexually.

But what about the notion that men are "hard-wired" to seek a smooth-faced, curvy receptacle for reproduction and thus are drawn to younger women? "Humans are relatively flexible species," Michael R. Cunningham, PhD, a psychologist in the department of communications at the University of Louisville, tells WebMD. "Factors other than biological can be attractive. You can override a lot of biology in pursuit of other goals.

As for the men, he says: "I guess it could be nice NOT to hang around a ditz with no knowledge of music or something like that."

Getting Over the "Shoulds"

"We have strong 'shoulds' on ways of partnering up," Kathryn Elliott, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette, explains to WebMD. "We are victims of inner-critic constrictedness. We think we should only weigh 120. We should marry people within two years of our age. We pathologize anything that isn't within those shoulds."

The key to making older women/younger man relationships work, Elliott says, is to match what she calls voltages. "Choose someone who is your voltage type -- has the same level of intensity about life. If the voltages are different, one becomes the pursuer and one the distancer. This can create pain." Voltages are not a factor of age, she says.

"What you don't want," she explains, "is one partner wanting to go out, the other stay in; one willing to talk, the other wanting space (and silence to enjoy it)."

Dealing With the Flak

Susan Winter is co-author, with Felicia Brings, of Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance. She is 48 and has been in a relationship with a man 20 years younger since 1992. Before that, she hooked up with two men 16 years younger and another 20 years younger.

She works out a lot by her own admission (and judging by her track record in this department) and often meets partners at the gym, not the bars.

Winter tells WebMD that she and her co-author interviewed more than 200 couples for their book. Though hardly a scientific study, the research surfaced three myths such couples hear every time:

Myth No. 1 -- "He will leave you for a younger woman." Winter says they did not find one younger man who did this, at least for a specific woman and because she was younger. "In some cases, the man wanted children," she says, "and the relationship fell apart because of that."
Myth No. 2 -- "The woman was the seducer -- Mrs. Robinson." In all 200 cases, Winter says it was the man who initiated the contact.
Myth No. 3 -- "It will never last." Winter said some of the couples they met had been together 25 year or more. The average length of the relationships was 13 years.

Pretty Promising Material Out There

Winter is upbeat about the younger generations. "The boomers are lost sheep," she says. "All they can do to get a woman is dangle their Porsche keys." As you peel back the decades, though, the men get "cooler," she says. Guys in their 30s get her vote. "They grew up with AIDS, they are considerate. Such men (at least the ones interested in older women) are stable and mature. They don't want to be mothered. They want a woman who knows who she is."

Still, even Winter admits, this may not be for everyone. One columnist suggested that these men hie themselves back to the reproductive pool or else birth rates would sag.

"Saying this is just one more "should," Elliott says. "Why should a man worry about reproducing if he doesn't want to?"

Cunningham is slyer. "Men can reproduce until they die, almost," he says. "I can imagine an interesting older woman/younger man scenario where a man stays with an older woman until she dies, then takes a younger wife for the purpose of having children. This would be very adaptive, don't you think?"

By Star Lawrence WedMD Feature. Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD

Published Nov. 24, 2003

admin · Dating Options

Considering there aren't too many desirable men available for dating nowadays (since a good no. are either away at war, in jail, homosexual, promiscuous, alcoholic, drugged up, unemployed or simply unwilling to settle down) women have less options, and choosing to date someone younger who has desirable attributes is becoming a more viable option. The options are much more limited for African and African-American women in the Diaspora who prefer to marry African men or men from their own nationality (e.g. Nigeria), so one can only imagine their disposition.

There are reasons why some people and families object to this, but this seems hypocritical in fact that these same people that object will not blink an eye if a 70 year-old man picks a 20+ year old woman as a bride. Even if he's a wrinkling (viagra-needing) 90 year-old man dating a bimbo, some people will still find reasons to accept the union despite the huge age differential. So why all the hassles about women choosing to mate with their younger counterparts?

Y'all, what are some of your opinions on women dating younger men or on younger men dating older women?

Would you do it and for what reasons? If not what are some reasons why?

If your family member decided to marry under this uncommon circumstances, how would you react?

What if (for instance) your Dad decided to marry a woman younger than you, how would you react and handle his choice?
Or if your Mum decided to marry a man younger than you, how would you react?

Cxsm
2/9/04

admin

My friend, you say "promiscous" as if it is a bad thing. have you not been reading my posts? I will reiterate just for your benefit. IT is in the nature of man to be promiscous. If you are looking for proof of my statement, look around you. in the animal kingdoms, there is always one Ogbologogbo male that generally "combs" all the females. Examine the almighty's statement in genenis"go into the world and multiply". If a "comb"is successful, eve is generally taken out of comission and active duty for 9 months. Adam however, is refreshed and ready to comb in 12.7 seconds straight.

You see, monogamy is not in line with Gods command. God designed women to be faithful to their men, and designed man to comb as many faithful women as possible. Okpa ri!

Waka-waka
2/10/04

admin

When it comes to issues of emotion, it is often difficult for one to say for certain what he/she can or cannot do.Often times we never really plan to date who we date or marry. I usually tell my friends that the best things in life are most time not planned.

One of the last things you ask somebody when you first meet her/him is the age. So you find out that before you get to know the guy's age, you are already involved ( if you get what I mean ) There is nothing wrong with marrying a younger man, age is only a number. Most of these younger are much more matured than the so called older ones. What matters is that you both respect, love and appreciate each other.
Naturally some people will take it as their business and frown at it, but that's their cup of garri.

Nonye
2/16/04

admin

My husband is almost five years younger than me..does that make me an old fart! ha ha!

Like Nonye stated, when it comes to issues of the heart, you never know what you will do!

Waka-waka, there was a thread of these men of "dog" behavior. Please don't use the Bible as means to be a ho'

LadyK
2/16/04

admin

WHat are you saying. How many wives did Abraham have.Common, let us call a keg of palmwine, a keg of palmwine.Is there any particular part of my statement that you disagree with?

The truth hurts, maybe not as much as jumping on top of your bicycle only to find out that a thief had stolen your seat the night before, but it hurts al the same.

How else can you explain the observed difference between men and women.

Waka-waka
2/18/04

admin

People use parts of the Bible to suit their lifestyles. That's all I am saying Waka waka!

LadyK
2/18/04

admin

admin · Ok Waka, I can agree to that! LadyK 2/18/04

Ok Waka, I can agree to that!

LadyK
2/18/04

admin

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