Black Male/Female Relationships

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Black Male/Female Relationships

Morris O'Kelly
Mar. 30, 2004

I know, I know, that's like choosing to jump off a bridge instead of a cliff, reasoning that smacking the water at 100mph is "better" than just smacking the ground. Either/or, the odds aren't in your favor.

Don't jump to conclusions just yet as I have no answers. I only want to offer some insightful questions that Brothas and Sistas have of their respective opposite sexes. The answers have to come from you. Something is missing in the equation of how Black men and women relate to one another. Yet ultimately, we seem to be more alike than different.

To make the discussion fair, I'm going to list 10 questions that I'd like to ask on behalf of Brothas and 10 questions that I often hear echoed by Sistas. Of course, if time permitted I could pose 100. And of course, not all of this would apply to everyone. Yet and still, there are some commonalties and truths here and maybe collectively we can iron out our differences. Maybe even learn how to love one-another better, through hearing what the other side has to say.

1. Brotha - Why do Sistas often complain about a Brotha dating outside his race, even when it's the same man they've already turned down?

Sista - Why do Brothas often complain about a Sista dating outside her race, even when he knows he wouldn't treat her as well as the other man?

2. Brotha - Why do Sistas come to the club in provocative and revealing outfits and then become irritated when Brothas stare, ogle and treat them as sex objects?

Sista - Why do Brothas come to the club and think grabbing a woman as she passes or pulling on her is an appropriate way to get her attention or phone number?

3. Brotha - Why do Sistas often judge a man's "value" by what he drives or the alleged prestige of the job he possesses?

Sista - Why don't Brothas often include a woman?' intelligence, ambition or level of morality into what he considers as "beautiful" qualities?

4. Brotha - Why do Sistas judge how we treat women by our relationship with our mother, but don't want a "Mama's Boy?"

Sista - Why do Brothas want a strong, independent woman, up until the point they realize they can't control her?

5. Brotha - Why is it that Sistas often want an "old-fashioned" man, but conveniently forget that "old-fashioned" men were frequently sexist, unfaithful and emotionally detached?

Sista - Why is it Brothas want a woman who can handle her business in the boardroom and bedroom, but can't handle the fact that she might make more money than him and/or have had a lot of "practice" along the way to get good at the latter?

6. Brotha - Why is it that Sistas often want to give an ultimatum as to when a man should propose marriage but forget that a ring is a gift, not a God-given right?

Sista - Why is it that Brothas often think that being introduced as somebody's "Baby's mama" is as flattering as being introduced as "wife and mother of our child?"

7. Brotha - Why is it that Sistas don't recognize the pattern that the guys they turn down at age 21 (when they had 50 options) are usually the guys they wished they married when they?'e age 37 (and have 5 options)?

Sista - Why is it that as Brothas get older, their girlfriends get even younger, and they still wonder why they haven't found the right one?

8. Brotha - Why is it that Sistas sometimes forget that just because you've hooked us, doesn't mean that you can let yourself go in a physical sense.

Sista - Why is it that Brothas think that we are supposed to work out 24/7, be made up and flawless, while they work on developing their gut and maintain their generally slob-like appearance?

9. Brotha - Why is it that Sistas want a man who would never raise his hand to them, but have no problem raising their hands to their man?

Sista - Why is it that Brothas want a woman to respect him at all times, but doesn't respect her enough to not cheat on her?

10. Brotha - Why is it that there aren't any good women left?

Sista - Why is it that there aren't any good men left?

There you go, there are the questions. I'm sure we can find some of ourselves somewhere in them. Hopefully if we're honest with ourselves, we might use the answers as a way to better love one-another.

Morris O'Kelly can be reached at: dark.gable@sbcglobal.net