Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:41 am Post subject: Would You Marry a Poor Man/Woman?
Would You Marry a Poor Man?
Aramide Oikelome
Reporter, Lagos
"Who doesn't like money? I've never seen a lady who wants to be poor and wretched all her life. If there are two suitors, a woman naturally goes for the rich guy who will guarantee her comfort. I make bold to say that all women are gold diggers. They'd always go for the biggest purse." Thus did Mr. Richard Umudike express his disgust for this tendency among women. His friend, William, added: "If you're in love with a woman, she may cooperate for as long as she doesn't know much about you. The moment she discovers that you're, say, a wheelbarrow pusher, she'd reconsider her relationship with you."
Listening to them was Mrs. Bamike Ogunsanwo, who was quite displeased about the duo's submission. Her argument is hinged on the fact that NOT all women are after money when it comes to the issue of love and relationship.
Money is an important factor we all know. Much more, it is a viable instrument in providing material and physical comfort. But then, both wealth and poverty are relative especially in the sense that we all may not and cannot be on the same footing. "Much as a man's wealth can be measured by the amount of property he acquires or how much money he has stored up, it also depends on individual tastes and preferences," Barrister Tunde Okikiola said. "A man may be rich in one thing, while another is rich in something else," he noted.
How then does one quantify a man's wealth? And should it be the criteria, the springboard for such an affair as serious and binding as marriage? Let's hear from the horses' mouth.
Sharon and Tessy are two undergraduates of the University of Lagos. They are in their finals too, hence the consideration for marriage. They both had lovers, but Tessy is particularly uncertain about her stand with Jide. "What's the problem?" Sharon queried.
Her response: "Jide is a nice guy. He is kind and tender. It's just that he has a very poor background. His parents are peasants back in the village and I can't really tell what the future holds for us both.My mother had warned me time and again NOT to sell myself to any man who is not worth the trouble. You know, she had a very nasty experience with my father. They got married at a time my dad was jobless, penniless and hopeless. My mother loved him and spent her money to sponsor his education to the university.
She toiled to cater for us too. Years later, after dad got well polished and good enough to secure a good job and social status, he began to find fault with mommy's physique. He complained about everything, including the fact that mommy doesn't have a male child. Can you imagine that? And worse of all, he dumped her for another woman. Since then she had vowed never to allow any of her three daughters marry a struggling man.
"Although she is now rich and comfortable in her own right, she holds that it is needless suffering for or with a man who hasn't settled. The moment they make it, they forget you', she often warned."
Much as Sharon admits that men are really unpredictable and prone to quickly forget a woman's commitment when things are tough, she also argued that there are equally women who betray their men. "Money is not everything," she said. "What if the guy has money but is not responsible? What if he is financially buoyant, but lacking in morals? What if he has the money and his family uses it to enslave you? I think I'd rather marry a man with whom I'd struggle and succeed than marry one who had already made it and would treat me like a slave. At least, then, I would be able to have a say in the home. Nobody will just come from somewhere and begin to order me around. His family won't treat me like an usurper," she declared.
Florence Bamidele has yet another reason. "I have suffered all my life. Coming from an impoverished family with none to assist, I've had to wangle my way through school, even up to the tertiary level. And now that I am just beginning to find my bearing, you want me to start struggling all over again? When am I going to rest and enjoy life? What assurance do I have that after taking off with the man, he would be thoughtful of me afterwards? What hope do I have that he would not forget and treat me shabbily afterwards?" she queried.
In Miss Rita Okeke's words: "We all love comfort and would vote for it any day, anytime. But there comes a time to choose between immediate comfort and future comfort. The fact is, no condition is permanent. Somebody may have money today and turn wretched tomorrow. Another person may be poor today and hit the goldmine tomorrow. Nobody knows the future, so, the best thing is to pray that God directs one's steps to the right man or woman."
If I see a man who is educated and has prospects, then I know there is a future for us. I'll go for him because I know he'd be able to use his brain and strength to earn a living. He may not have all I need at the moment, but we can always hope that things would get better. But to marry an illiterate? Foul," said Lolade Davies.
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Having read the reflections of the above people, the question is would any of you unmarried folks marry a poor man/woman? Or would you encourage a family member to marry a poor man/woman?
If so, Why? If not, Why NOT? _________________ May we be strengthened with the ability, willingness and capabilities to be good ambassadors of Nigeria contributing to its uplifting, rather than its detriment. - Cxsm
mmmm....Interesting...Poor in the sense of not being able to KEEP UP WITH THE JONES'S..or POOR POOR...??
First of all I feel that women can put tooooo much stress on a brother for MONEY....Men are expected to "perform" and perform WELL...in EVERY AREA...BUT, men need someone who is understanding enough to realize that "They may not ever be RICH" and most of the world is not RICH....
...I could say alot about this but I will only say this..
I think alot of women may miss out on GOOD MEN because they are looking for him to HAVE ALL OF THIS OR THAT...instead of realizing what God designed her to do which is to help your man reach his full potential...you may be with a man who is not "all that" in the money dept....but alot of men have "millionaire potential" I think...but because they may have a woman who does not know how to be a "real wife"...he will never REACH his full potential in life.....
Its should be team work...Its not a crime to get married if you are poor....who said it was??? Lots of people do...
Personally, I would prefer to marry a man who does not have much at the time...so we can work together as a team...
This goes much deeper than this...I just will leave it at that...I dont' believe a lot of women are ready for me baby........
Permit me two questions:
Don't you think a lot of good men also miss out on good women for the same reasons?
Should men not also help women to realize their full potentials?
I think it is also possible to look at poor not only in terms of earning potential but also the culture that stems from being poor. Someone who is a fast food worker working thru college is one thing.Working at a fast food restuarant without a GED or aspirations is another thing.
On culture: generally poor people tend not to have delayed gratification skills. (at least that's been my discovery & experience). More often that not they are also usually poorly or not educated. If there is a wide differential b/w the couple regarding ambitions, world views, education, values and means, the marriage may not stand the test of time.
Fundamentally, while one would not want to marry a person who is poor, there are many other factors that interplay in relationships. Ultimately it may boil down to the chemistry between the two and the intangible benefits the other person may bring to ones life. If that burger flipper or waitress rocks your world-go for him or her!!
Yes..i think it works both ways.
Because women are taught to look for a man with MONEY...most do....and then they end up alone and bitter when they dont' find that millionaire,etc...they are looking for the wrong thing.
It's not only about what a man can give you, its also about what you have to offer to the relationship....
Whether he is rich or poor if you dont' know the purpose of even BEING in a marriage you are most likely to have a broken one.
If you could only get married if you were rich, over half of the world would not be married.
Women get a lot of flack for looking only for well to do men, but the truth is that men are just as bad, if not worse than women are, especially when they feel that they have risen to a 'certain' level. The number of men who will say that they are only looking for a doctor or a nurse or a business women never ceases to surprise me, but people seem to think that it is OK, because these are men we are talking about, and they can be forgiven tendencies that would warrant severe recriminations if it were women involved.
Or worse yet, some women may come from humble backgrounds and be doing well, but once a dude finds out that they aren't in a particular circle, everything falls apart. Pity, but it's true.
I personally think that people should marry for love and not for material things. At the same time, one must evaluate him/herself before they embark on the issue of relationships leading to marriage. I respect a man who has himself together spiritually and financially.
For example, if a woman has achieved certain goals in life and she wants a man with a similar background then that should be ok. If she chooses to date only the people who meet these criterias which could mean men who are financially stable then that is her own business.
On the other hand, if it works out where both individuals meet and work towards their goals together then that should be ok too. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to choosing your mate. If that person loves you, they will do whatever it takes to better themselves for the best interest of you both.
As far as marrying poor, I guess it depends on how you define it. My husband is a student and he works part time but I make more than him. I am a bit older so this was expected! I definitely didn't marry for money though!!! hee hee
If he is hardworking.... why not. Things can change if he is given the apportunity.I would not marry a lazy man.... that I am 100% sure of. He has to be driven and have goals set. Being poor is not a permanent condition and when you say poor what do you mean. There are people who seem to have it all but are mortgaged to their necks and do not even have a savings account. That in my book is even worse than being poor. If the issue is just finances, at the time you meet... that is something that the both of you can work out together and you can even help him in the process if he lets you.
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