NaijaPositive.com

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Saving Our Children

Rudolf

Contrary to what many Nigerians at home think, living abroad has numerous downsides. Many who moved abroad find out after a while that they do not belong to either the society they left at home or the new one they inhabit abroad. Aside from all the problems associated with surviving in a foreign land, those abroad miss a valuable opportunity to grow up with their extended family and friends made at early stage of life.

Often, some simple pleasures of life, usually underestimated, come together later in the course of our adventure abroad to make life awful, if not miserable. I have heard an elderly Nigerian complain that his greatest loss was his inability to marry his high school sweetheart as a result of his decision to emigrate. By all accounts, the most frightening downside of living abroad is the possibility of losing our children to the new society.

The Nigerian child born abroad is at best a hyphenated Nigerian. More often that not, these kids are not Nigerians in both nature and nurture. The forces of the society where they were born usually frustrate every attempt by parents to raise then up as Nigerians. As these children grow, parents are at a loss as to how to imbibe in them the things the parents had while at the same time give them the things the parents did not have. It is the greatest dilemma of life abroad.

What has been proven beyond reasonable doubt is that, no matter how much parents tried, Nigerian children born abroad who had no chance of forming a strong attachment to Nigeria are most likely to see their host country as their home.
This leaves most parents in an unpleasant position where they face the possibility of spending their retirement years alone in Nigeria or in a nursing home abroad. It is one prospect no Nigerian parent wants.

Many parents are currently trying various approaches to the problem with little success. There seem to be a general consensus that the only way to make the children born abroad develop an attachment to their parents' home country is to have them live for a while at home or visit often. When to visit home and how long to visit is still not clear. When to send the children home and for how long hasn't been ironed out.

The logistics of sending a child home are enormous. There are questions about who will take care of the child at home. There is the anxiety over insecurity at home and lack of basic healthcare facilities. But more importantly, there are questions about the very nature of the knowledge today's Nigeria will be able to impart on these kids. No doubt, the Nigeria of today is a far cry from two decades ago. How much of what rubs off today's Nigerian youths do parents want their kids to pick up? Are the admired values acquired by these parents few decades ago still obtainable in Nigeria?

Currently, a good number of parents send their children to Nigeria for high school education. The reasoning behind this is that it is manageable at that age. Most parents cannot emotionally afford to send a toddler home even when they have reliable relations. And by the time a kid has finished high school abroad, it is much more difficult to get their cooperation. Also with persistent strikes and closures, college education in Nigeria has become unappealing.

There are other formulas being tried out. In some cases, one of the parents opts to go home and raise the kids at home. This could only work in few cases where the financial and marital health of the couple is strong. There are cases where regular visits to Nigeria for holiday is the approach being adopted. But again, very few people can afford such. Some parents in big cities try to create a home away from home. They establish networks in which Nigerian children relate with one another and in some cases attend language classes and seek means to encourage marriages.

Despite all these efforts, the success rate of children born abroad identifying with the home country of their parents is low. They seem to be overpowered by the pressure of the mainstream culture of their host country. The most likely direction of these children is the adaptation of the lifestyle of their peers in an effort to belong. This often ranges from minor irritations like tongue piercing to major concerns like interracial marriages. What often follows are decisions that greatly reduce the chances of the child ever returning to Nigeria. Which means that most Nigerian parents abroad would either retire in a nursery home abroad or alone at home. That is one unpalatable possibility that stares many Nigerian parents in the face.

A look beyond the first generation born abroad presents a bleaker picture. For even in those rare cases where the parents succeeded, there is even slimmer chance that the second generation of Nigerians born abroad would succeed in stopping their children from completely assimilating into the new society.

What this means, then, is that Nigerian parents abroad are basically fighting a losing battle. One hundred years from now, their lineage at home would be forgotten entirely. Their epitaph would read like those sold into slavery 400 years ago. The big houses some are currently building in cities and villages across Nigeria would be taken over by relatives left at home. Many who are already seeing this possibility and cannot live with it are beginning to regret the very day they went to the foreign embassy to seek visa. Some, though very few, have returned home to face whatever challenge they encounter at home.

In a recent discussion of this issue with my friend, Ekene, he came up with a classic macho plan to resolve the problem. His plan is to marry one wife in America and another in Nigeria. When he is ready to go home and retire, he would have a family at home to spend his twilight years with. Next week, I will visit Ekene and essentially discuss his plan with his girlfriend, Ihuoma. I can't wait to see what she thinks of Ekene's plan.

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For those who have not thought about it, this really is an issue that should be taken into consideration for every adult planning to emigrate to, or remain permanently in the Diaspora.

Forummers, any and all feedback is definitely welcome.

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May we be strengthened with the ability, willingness and capabilities to be good ambassadors of Nigeria contributing to its uplifting, rather than its detriment. - Cxsm

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Does any one ever consider the effect of the names people give their kids in this whole equation?

I see many Africans having European and Arabic names under the guise of being Christian and Islamic adherents. I always point out that Oluwafunmi and Chibuzo are equally Christian and Moslem names.
Personally, I have no problems with foreign names, but I believe a name imbues a certain conciousness on the bearer. To each his own, but do not name your child Rudolph, Railat or Joan, then expect them to conciously identify with their Nigerian ancestry. And then whine when they don't.

True, it is a losing battle, but a little extra effort early on can help mitigate its effects. Also, I don't believe Nigerian culture is being lost, I think it is probably being modified. Don't forget, cultures are dynamic.

N/5n
4/1/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

I think adults need to give children reasons to want to identify with Nigeria and Nigerians. A system whereby honesty is considered foolishness and groundbreakers are tossed aside while 419-ers and their ilk receive praise from high and low is not worthy of emulation. Give your children heroes and they will remain rooted, wherever they are born and resident.

Sola
4/1/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Sola, I think that is a really great point...A lot of parents get lost in the rat race, and dont have enough time to hand down the more poignant aspects of their heritage to their children.

On the other hand, I have come across really great examples that give me inspiration. One of the families that our family has known for a really long time moved to the US when the children were still under eight. The kids dont speak Yoruba any more, but as soon as they all graduated from college, they each spent six months to a year in Naija just to get reacquainted.

For another family, as soon as the eldest child graduated from college, she went to spend 3 months in Naija, found a way to hook up with an old professor in UI, and got a Fulbright scholarship to conduct sociology/public health research in the country for 2 years.

Yet another family I know of lives in the heart of the mid-west. Yet all their kids speak fluent Yoruba...Their Yoruba rivals that of some of my firends who haev Yoruba speaking parents and grew up in Ibadan/Ife/Lagos.

What did all these families have in common? Very simple: a conscious effort to make sure that their children were handed down positive cultural values and norms. You know, the type that msot Naija cultures are rooted on. Honesty, integrity, dedication, love of family, love of community, charity, compassion, etc.

You know, we talk a lot about children who are raised here and have no rooting at home. There is a scarier precedent that is being set right at home: children who grow up in Aba or lagos or Prot Harcourt or Maiduguri, and dont speak a word of any thing other than English. Children who grow up in Naija until they are full grown, and them precede to drop eevry ounce fo everything that ties them with home. If we are losing our identity right from home, I think there is much more cultural damage going on than we know...

TruTalk
4/1/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

La belleza,

I believe from observation that the interaction of various cultures
modifies one or both parties.

For example street or rap lingo has found its way into corporate America even though the actual percentage of African-Americans present is well below the representation in greater society. This is not a loss, it is a modification.
In Southwestern Nigeria, royalty does not hold political power anymore, but they still exist. The Obaship has not been destroyed, it has been modified. The Oba is no longer just the custodian of the traditional religion but also of the Christianity and Islam.

In the same Southwest, I observed that very few kids greet their parents or visitors by fully prostrating or kneeling anymore. Over time it went from a full prostration to half, than a quarter. It has been modified to a slight bow or dip. If they did not greet their elders at all, that would be a loss of the culture. (respect)

Among the older generation, their elders had the same complaints of them. I recall great uncles and aunts complaining about the loss of tradition and culture by the now older generation. (my parents) This points to the fact that culture is dynamic.

n/5n
4/2/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

We must prevent our heritage from being lost

Look here, this is a very important issue to discuss especially for Nigerian parents. We have to prevent our heritage from being lost. As Rudolf said in the next hundred years, Nigerian living in the U.S. today, have a high possibilities of loosing our great heritage. Think about this, it is very important.

Jibola
4/3/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Every now and then, I have encountered people of different cultures here in the Diaspora. Too, I have engaged them in relative discourse and found out their children were more connected and realized, in that aspect, their origin and where they came from. They speak the language of their parents fluently and wholly abide by the traditional principles of their fathers.

But in the case of our own kids who were born and raised here, in the Diaspora, it is all a different story. First, most do not even know the name of the country where their parents came from. Secondly, they do not speak our language, rather they are so "akatanized" they will curse you out if you try to think about it. When you encounter these kids, amazingly, they tell you point blank they are Americans. "You've got a dollar, man?" they would ask you. "You saw that game last night, man?" they would ask you, too. They would tell you who would be likely picked in the NBA and NFL Drafts. They know their names by heart.

The irony here is, why these lost kids are asking questions trivial, their parents watch and applaud on the ground that they have kids who belong, the "Yankee way." Nobody teaches these kids about our literature. Nobody tells them where they came from. Nobody cares.

You don't see that in other communities. Take for instance a five year old of the Diasporan Jew, wears a skull cap to the Synagogue every Friday and would remind you as a five year old that "To forget is to proclaim Hitler innocent." So too, is the awareness that since time their people had been persecuted. They learn that from the synagogues. And they have their own day care centers where the Jewish faith and culture is taught.

My question here is, what are we doing about our own kids who do not know their culture, where they came from, the origin of their history and the sad phenomenon that happened to their people as in the Jews? What are their parents telling them? Do their parents care? If not, what should be done?

Let's come to terms with reality and address this issue appropriately.

Ambrose
4/20/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Charity begins at home they say. Speak to your children in your dialect and you will be surprised how fast they can learn it. They might not be able to speak it very well because of their intonations, but they will understand every word you say to them. I have heard some parents saying the children will get confused, to such parent, I always say you are the confused one, not the children.

Most of us want our children to speak in the fake oyibo accent without realizing the harm we are causing those children. 80% of Hispanics kids born in the US can speak Spanish, and in essence, relate to their culture and background. How many of our kids can relate to our culture?

Start teaching your children now and you will be happier for it later.

Bababoyz
4/20/04