admin
Site Admin
Joined: 25 May 2007
Posts: 5404
|
 Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 5:55 am Post subject: Recognizing and Avoiding Abuse in Churches |
 |
|
Recognizing and Avoiding Abuse in Churches
I hope the information provided here and the discussions that ensue will be eye openers that will serve to prevent others from becoming victims in similar environments.
Although the original article was about 'Abuse in Nigerian churches' we are all aware that the problem is not peculiar to Nigerian churches, nor is it peculiar to black churches. It also occurs in Caucasian churches, as in the case of the Catholic churches where some young boys were sodomized and some young girls were raped and/or impregnated, as have been exposed so far.
I've personally had the privilege of attending a church where the pastor and qualified staff end up counseling a lot of Caucasians that have been abused in various churches and other circumstances, and to hear some of the stories, one would be amazed at how rampant, but covered up these cases usually are. I myself ended up there after being severely abused at the 1st (and definitely the last) Nigerian church I attended some years back in the U.S. (I'll post the wisdom of my experiences amongst the advice I give below, that others may learn from them.)
A Russian friend that read my posting sent the below posting to me.
| Quote: | This is true for ALL churches here and abroad. Many years ago after the divorce, the Lord had me lay on my back for 7 days and read Ezekiel. At the end of that time he gave me a correctional word for the church that was not received. Instead I was blackballed. The word had to do with Pastors in pulpits having sex with other women, other men and children.
Catholic church is just the beginning of what is coming in judgment on the church as a whole.
Love, Pris. |
The whole idea of this article is to bring the problem to the forefront, so that solutions can begin to arise and hopefully the problem would eventually be curtailed rather than being swept under the rug , with the unintended protection of the abusers who hide under the umbrella of "separation between Church and State."
One thing I know for sure that is a common thread of carrying such abuse out is the modus of operation that is used by such churches, cults and other organizations that seek to control their members in order to gain something substantial from them.
1) They seek out vulnerable members - the sick, disabled, isolated, recent divorcees, elderly, single and lonely, homeless, deprived, etc. Most target women as they are usually easier to break down or convince.
2) They seek to isolate them - to prevent others from being a voice of reason, so they can effectively brainwash them. (This is when stories are made up to pollute the person's trust of others, and if the person is not wary, s/he would begin to believe the lies.) (e.g. I've heard stories from and also witnessed the instances of some Nigerians who were told their significant others/parents, etc. were witches, and some actually believed the stories, and had their homes destroyed.)
3) They begin to intimidate them - through uses of subliminal messages (sermons), disguised threats, outright threats, blackmailing, blackballing, etc. Other members, are also employed to keep their targets in check.
4) They then begin to control their subjects - This is the stage when brainwashed members are convinced to bring their life earnings to church, when they can barely put food on their tables at home. This is also the stage where some women have been so seduced that they begin to have sexual relationships with their pastors. (I've heard of and also witnessed stories of women who had marital problems, who ended up sleeping with the pastors and their marriages obviously worse off.) This is also the stage where some men become proteges of the pastors and slack off on their responsibilities to their families.
5) They assault their prey - This occurs, when the use of the first three tactics have failed and they are desperate to gain something (sex, money, cars, position, houses, business, etc.) from their members.
At these stage they will employ any and all tools at their disposal, be it physical (which includes beating up their prey, kidnapping them, etc.) or spiritual and this may or may not include the use of the occult, witchcraft, etc.
One may ask "Why is this able to continue?" and "Why has it become this bad?" the answers may include the fact that because the umbrella that separates Church from State allows the Church to discipline it's own, it also allows Churches that are unorthodox to create their own policies and rules that are usually always subject to the qualms of the presiding pastors.
A lazy pastor unwilling to work will milk his congregation to live a comfortable and sometimes exorbitant lifestyle. He'll be sure to remind you to pay your tithes diligently even when he's aware you can't feed your family or are unemployed.
A promiscuous pastor looking for a place to sow his oats has a ready-made market when there are an abundance of women looking for spouses or having marital conflicts or problems. His job is to seek these out, pretend to be their trusting ally and then zoom in on the target.
A self-serving/misguided pastor who seeks to use others to gain acclaim or position himself as a powerful force to be contended with. He seeks self-glory and will use his congregation to propel his reputation.
A once impoverished pastor who seeks monetary gain and sees his congregation as his passport to riches.
How to prevent becoming a victim.
(I'm not an authority on this, but will give pointers as learned from my personal experience and from others who have also counseled, or have been victims.)
Always seek and find your own churches, the friend who's inviting you to visit their church may or may not have good intentions, but that simple invitation, if you are naive may have live changing consequences up to, and including the potential loss of your life.
Be very vigilant of the practices of the church and if you don't feel comfortable, leave immediately. Do NOT allow yourself to be persuaded to give the place another or subsequent tries. If your spirit is telling you something/warning you about a place, it usually has a very good reason for doing so. Your spirit man sees that which you cannot.
Be led by the word of God and not just by what the pastor tells you or preaches to you. If you are well informed you will know when something contrary or twisted is being preached.
Always listen and 'hear' between the lines, sometimes it's not what is said, but what is not said.
Watch what you say and to whom and use discernment in whom you share your personal business with, even if he claims to be Pope John Paul or Jesus' direct descendant. You also are, and that is why God instructed that you no longer need a middle man to pray to Him, the name of Jesus is sufficient.
You may occasionally pray with others for intercession, but NO one except for your God and maybe your spouse or parents need to know all your business and definitely NOT your inner thoughts and fears.
Sometimes, some members are designated to play ally to new members just to get close enough to learn your business, and if you're not forthcoming they'll do ANYTHING to win your trust. Someone who does NOT know your business cannot use it to manipulate you.
Once you witness any weird practices that are not in the Christian doctrine or outright contrary to the word of God, be wary, that is usually your cue to exit.
Never partake in cliques. The church is a place of worship, not a place for social gathering, spousal searches or home for the lonely. If you are criticized or condemned for not joining cliques,
do NOT capitulate, even if you're persecuted and assaulted (as I eventually was).
Never substitute the pastor for your God. He is a man just like you. You have the ability and power to pray for yourself even though it might only be in your bathtub or bedroom.
If you are envied for your spiritual abilities and capabilities, don't wait it out or be naive to think God will always protect you, when you are in a place contrary to your well-being. That is also your CUE to exit. God thrives in an atmosphere of LOVE, not one of envy. (I learnt that the hard way. Sometimes God teaches you NOT to take His protection for granted.)
No matter how enticing or nostalgic the songs are, please do NOT stay just for that. Buy your own tapes and reminiscence in your own privacy or your car. (That was what sucked me in.)
Some churches serve food, and though it might be well-intended, the church is NOT supposed to be a restaurant, feed your hunger pangs elsewhere. You never know who cooked what and with what. That so-called 'feast of love' may actually be something you would never consciously partake in.
Husbands keep a very keen watch over your wives and children. NOT all so-called pastors are shepherds, that is why God admonishes bad, false and evil pastors in Jeremiah 23. He knows some pastors are wolves in sheep clothing.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to report to outsiders and/or even the police rather than reporting bad incidences to fellow church members or church administration. They have a higher tendency to cover up for their counterparts, and you'd be seen as the outsider and the enemy.
(I also learnt this late, as did the victims from the catholic churches who realized the offending pastors in extreme cases were never admonished nor punished, but simply transferred to other churches.) Even if the police refuse to intercede AT LEAST YOU'LL HAVE THE RECORD OF ABUSE AS FUTURE EVIDENCE.
(I once reported a person who had ripped me off in a magazine publication deal and then proceeded to assault me (after I had recognized him as he entered a church and approached him) to the police, but he hid in the church and all the police 'could do' and 'did do' was wait outside the premises waiting for his exit which he never did, so after hours they eventually left. Coincidentally, unbeknown to me, they realized he was also a fraudulent person they had been trying to track down. (No wonder they waited for hours, and here I was thinking they were doing a black person a favour.)
Anyone else who has information to share with us, should please free to do so, even if it is not necessarily from a Nigerian church or is from other religious sects including Buddhism, mosques, etc.
We are all learning, the world is a big place and NO one is immune.
Cxsm
27th Dec. '03
© Cxsm 2003 All Rights Reseved
_________________
May we be strengthened with the ability, willingness and capabilities to be good ambassadors of Nigeria contributing to its uplifting, rather than its detriment. - Cxsm |
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Join! (free) 
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
