NaijaPositive.com

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

A friend's question was - (Increasing Nigerian) 'Divorces in the U.S. - What do you think?' and my response is posted below.

Re: Increasing Nigerian Divorces in the U.S.

I do believe the culture in the U.S. does promote divorce as some people do not understand, let alone respect the institution of marriage. Many do not realize it's a covenant that binds and that marriages need to be worked on due to constant changes, expectations and stresses.
The fact that I believe the culture promotes easy divorce does not mean I believe it causes divorces, since the causation factors can only be tabled by the couples seeking divorce themselves.

For instance I've heard of therapists who sometimes judge cases before they have a good understanding of their clients, and simply advocate divorce because of their own attitudes towards divorce rather than solely on the facts of the issues thrust before them, or with consideration for what the couples themselves want. Such are playing the role of divorce attorneys rather than one of seeking resolution. (But then it just might be more financially beneficial to counsel a divorcee longterm, than a couple who have found resolutions to their problems.)
What hope can couples who have the misfortune of counseling with such therapist or counselor have, when s/he is one of those who recommends divorce as an easy option?

If the marriage was an abusive one, then that is a separate issue, but divorcing on grounds of economic/salary disparity, feeling superior to one's spouse because of academic disparity, etc., are not sufficient reasons for divorce.

I blame some of the men that go home and bring spouses, convince them to go into the nursing field because of the quick financial gain, then suffer the backlash, when the price they have to pay is with their ego, justly because their wives begin go become controlling and air superiority complexes; or unjustly when they simply begin to have inferiority complexes because their wife has now not just become, but continues to remain the higher salary earner in the household.
A man who knows his ego cannot or may not be able to endure a higher earning spouse should not in the first place test such waters.

Also noteworthy is the fact that there are 'some' women who target men trotting in from the US searching for homebred women, and these women simply go along for the ride until they complete their training, get their Green cards, create sufficient havoc to give them grounds for divorce, and then merrily divorce the unsuspecting spouse to move on to greener pastures with other lovers waiting in tow, or just simply start afresh.

On the other hand, the fact that many couples in the US do not have the support of family units to help negotiate and diffuse conflicts adds to the stress of marriage for foreign couples. Mountains grow out of molehills and before they know it the divorce lawyers are smiling all the way to the bank.
Most depend on advice from friends who are usually of the same age with little or less experiences, and probably battling similar circumstances, and considering the most visible examples they see are those of the westerners, the tendency is to do in Rome as the Romans do.

Nigerians are generally known to be resilient people, but exposure and continuity in foreign lands have weakened some of our people to the point that they can no longer endure certain marital differences or stresses, which in the home environment, they otherwise would have.

That aside one question was asked and answered in the bible, maybe where confusion exists is in defining the answer to the flipside of the first question.

Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any just reason? Matt. 19:3 Whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. Matt. 19:9

Is it lawful for a WOman to divorce her husband for any just reason?
Answers may include,
Yes, if he is abusive (physically, psychologically, and or emotionally).
Yes, if he is sexually immoral (having affairs with other women and/or men).
Yes, if he is sexually immoral (having sexual encounters with animals, especially if it was not part of the initial marriage agreement.)

If anyone else has other valid reasons to add, please feel free to.

Cxsm
4/19/05

© Cxsm 2005 All Rights Reserved
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Therefore what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Matt. 19:6

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http://www.scionofzion.com/whatgod.htm

LadyK · LoyalBee Joined: 06 Jun 2007 Posts: 69

I think a lot of people are getting divorced because marriage truly is work. If a couple says they never argue...umph...trouble is definitely on the horizon!!!! People are just not putting in the effort the way our parents did.

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Please DON'T let it get to this point before you seek help. Any type of counselling will do, even if it doesn't fix the marriage it might decrease your anger and growing rage, while increasing your self-esteem.

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