NaijaPositive.com

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Nigerian Weddings

Now to get into a little of the Nigerian culture. I'm sure every member or visitor had been to, participated in or at least heard of Nigerian weddings.

As different as our cultures sometimes are because of the differences in regions, languages and practices; in totallity, Nigerian weddings are unique in ways enviable to non-Nigerians.

Here's an opportunity for us to share this aspect of our culture with others from within and outside Nigeria, beginning with the engagement process, wherein the couples have the formal engagement, right up until when the bride is taken to the groom's home on the wedding night.

Those contemplating marrying Nigerians can learn what to expect and those non-Nigerians already married to Nigerians who didn't have the atypical marriage ceremony can learn on what they might have missed out on. This is why sometimes some couples though married on paper for years, eventually return home to partake in the traditional wedding they missed out on.

Since the processes (including dowry significancies or insignificancies) and ceremonies differ between the regions, e.g. Ibo, Hausa/Fulani and Yoruba, it would be nice to share wedding stories from the different regions for some of us Nigerians to also learn about and better appreciate our differences.

If anyone has information on how mail-ordered or imported brides/grooms, and absentee weddings are conducted, please share this with us also.

Also, anyone care to share details of how a traditional engagement ceremony from their side of town is?

Cxsm
3/1/04

_________________
May we be strengthened with the ability, willingness and capabilities to be good ambassadors of Nigeria contributing to its uplifting, rather than its detriment. - Cxsm

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Sola, I guess that is how we Americans are. We plan for everything here! Ha ha, I am the Chairperson of a Black Program here at work and we always ask for people to confirm their attendance because we have to buy food. The last program we had, we bought a 50 piece bucket of chicken and all the fixings and guess what, only 7 people showed up. The next event we bought less food and more people showed up. It's a catch 22 position.

Most of the events I go to are catered especially our family events like reunions and birthday parties for those special birthday years like 80 and 90. It just makes it easier to plan. Even for my family reunion, we plan two years in advance and take head counts. You even get sent a meal ticket so you can get dinner! Sounds silly but the method works!

LadyK
3/11/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Hmm...LadyK, maybe I should call you when the door knock comes? With your extensive experience, I am sure you will do a great job. Haba, here's a thought, as per your previous comment...Why dont we start planning now, so that in 3 - 4years time, everything will go smoothly.

( I'm just ribbing, you know).

But the whole idea of planning so far ahead...In terms of African, especially Nigerian, functions, there are a few givens that go uncontested:

1) One RSVP is good for 10 people. Knowing how good we are with welcoming people, etc, we understand that all the neices and nephews that have been forced on...Sorry, entrusted to you...will think you a bad host if you just left them alone at home.

2) As per naija tradition, you never turn people away...That's a shame. It says bad things about your ability to forecast the over-attendance, as a host

3) One Naija man = three normal food portions. And the food must never run out, so these calculations have to enter the budget. And then agian, my sister, you never know whether this person visiting from Poland for three days who heard about this Naija wedding, and decided to attend, last ate bokoto, ogbono, or iyan three years ago. He has to make up for that, now!

4) As the Naijas we are, there must be sumpn-sumpn to pack home. Not for everyone, oh! But you know, the little nieces that volunteer to help with the serving, the older women that help with the igbeyawo last minute, the old babas that help to drop people off in their houses, and all that. They have to be considered, Naija style.

All the above considerations takne, how, tell me, how, how will a head count ever suffice in terms of planning?

Trutalk
3/11/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

TruTalk, you are too funny. In my family, it is expected that you RSVP to show up at the family reunion. We've being doing it that way for over 30 years and in my family, it seems to work. Our reunions are held at hotels so there is no packing up of leftover food. The hotel gets a count and they are responsible to keep the food coming out since we pay them a hefty price. We don't like to have our relatives slaving away in the kitchens! We don't see them often so we like to use that time to enjoy our relatives. One of these good old days, I will invite you to a southern style family reunion! You will be surprised how much planning goes into them from the reserved bank accounts, planning the menus, getting the tour buses, reservations, prices, designing the family tee shirt and whatever else is included. It is basically a production. At one family reunion I attended in 2000, we had over 500 family members show up so I guess that is large scale for us. Hence, this is the reason no one cooks at our gathering. Hire some company to do it for you.

Our reunion typically takes place over a three to four day period which means we need food for the entire time plus snacks in between. It's a grand affair cause on Saturday nights, we dress in our best and come to the family ball where our relatives will speak, sing, play music or whatever. People get awards...my grandma always gets the award for the person who turned in their reunion dues first! Anyway, it's just a showcase to show who graduated, who got married, promoted, had a baby or got their PhD or whatever the case might be.

Wow, I am fired up now for our reunion this year! This year it's in Mississippi. The year before it was in Memphis, then Detriot, then Saint Louis and many other places like Charlotte, NC.

LadyK
3/11/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

LadyK, it sounds like your good ole family reunion will be sort of like the normal Naija wedding. I actually went to one of my college friends' family reunions in ATL. It was off the hook! Not as many as 500 people, though, I dont think...

Three years ago, one of my friends got married here in the US. It was honestly the most spectacular wedding I have ever witnessed on this side of the atlantic...Six hundred guests at the wedding ceremony itself. Let's not talk about the reception, etc. The wedding was held in the DC area, and people flew in from Naija, from South Africa, from England, from Aussie, there were people from Alaska (no kidding), Cali, Florida...It was like people I hadnt seen since I was in the fifth grade were there. I definitely felt old...

I think the great thing about Naija weddings is that you are expected to help with serving, cooking, etc. It's part of how we keep tradition alive. Plus instead of sitting down and eating, you get to circulate and meet people. A lot of friends asked if they could contribute anything in addition to the gifts they gave...So there were people who brought kegs of plam wine with them, some brought pots of ogbono, egusi, efo, eba, amala...You know, just Naija love, because the girl is extra-ordinary, and these are people that pretty much grew up together, as in college, working colleagues, and then visiting each other when they started raising families here.

Of course, there was asho egbe flowing. Lace, jacquard, aso oke, damask, in all forms and all colors. The oyinbo and AA people that came for the wedding were totally flabergasted during the spraying of the couple, and during the presentation of the dowry to the bride. We were definitely shining in the moment as a people!

It was then that I knew that there are Naija catering businesses in almost every major city in the US. I got ideas for business. If any one is interested, holla at me, there is definitely money to be made as per Naija weddings in the US, because you know how vain our women are

Trutalk
3/11/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

What is the spraying of a couple?

LadyK
3/11/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

LadyK, it's showering/plastering them with some good old greenbacks/benjamins/banknotes. Its very common among Nigerians, particularly the Yorubas. We just call it "spraying" in Nigerian English.(Yes, apart from pidgin we also have Standard Nigerian English.)

ciao
The Dreamer
3/11/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

No one gave me my spraying here in the states???? I am still waiting. Actually, the honey-do and I got married at the old county courthouse. My parents live in Tennessee and couldn't make it but they did throw us a reception when we visited them for Christmas. If anyone wants to spray me, I will give you my paypal email and you can make your deposits there!!!

LadyK
3/11/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Spraying is the equivalent of the 'money dance' in the U.S.

Cxsm
3/11/04

_________________
May we be strengthened with the ability, willingness and capabilities to be good ambassadors of Nigeria contributing to its uplifting, rather than its detriment. - Cxsm