NaijaPositive.com

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Men Killing Their Wives Out of Frustration in America!

After reading an article abbout some Nigerian men in America who have killed their wives out of frustration, I'd like to share my own insight on the subject matter.

There seems to be some recurring factors in these cases:

1] The wives are usually imported or Fed-Exed wives from Nigeria.
2] The wives are nurses
3] The men are mostly Ibo except for one
4] Each man acted out of frustration from being dominated, oppressed and feeling they had lost their manhood to their wives.
5] These men who feel they have nothing to live for, and it's only men who feel they have nothing to live for that will risk their own life on death-row for women who they think are not worth it.

Murder is never an excuse and taking another person's life can only be reasonable in the act of self defense, if ones life is being threatened, not simply because ones ego or self-esteem has been crushed or destroyed. There are options to murder such as divorce, counselling, separation and intervention.

There are lessons to be learned:

Men:

1] Don't assume Fed-Exed wives are better than those available to you where you currently reside. Before you cross the Atlantic to go find a wife, examine the real reasons you feel the need to go that far to go bring a stranger into your life and home, considering there are Nigerian women who have more things in common with you right here in America or which ever other country you presently reside in. http://naijapositive.myfastforum.org/about98.html

2] Try to know a person's character and look beyond common home-towns, language, food, your mother's admiration for a woman you, (not your mother) intend to marry.

3] Realize that adaptation problems that take time to resolve compound normal challenges of marriage. A woman may have not been exposed to the life you live needs time to adjust and take things in, while simultaneously coping with separation from her family and environment, at the same she is learning to cope with marriage.

4] Stop encouraging these women to go into the nursing program simply for financial gain or to augment your income, because at the end of it all the money seems to equate power in the households and an untempered woman will lure it over your head until your ego is crushed.

5] Be wary of the type of friends your wive keeps. Bad company corrupts good morals, and advice from such women may end up influencing and destroying your marriage.

6] If you feel you can no longer tolerate the oppression or any aggression in your household please seek help from family, friends, your church or mosque, a psychologist, psychiatrist or any other counselling available. Any option is better than murder.

7] Think about the future of your children and your family and family name before resorting to violence to resolve your marital issues.

8] If a woman has grieved you to a point wherein you are pushed to thinking about murdering her, you are better off finding another woman who may bring you peace and joy, and you don't have to cross the Atlantic to do so.

9] If you feel or know you are about to lose everything you have ever worked for in your life to someone you no longer love or feel may have used and then emotional abused you, do not resort to violence. Remember God who has blessed you thus far can bless you again. [Job lost all and was doubly blessed.] Some people have lost all in stock markets, fires, floods and other freak acts and have made it again.

10] Remember although you live in America or any other foreign land you do not have to adopt the behaviour of murdering a wife you feel is oppressing you, squashing your balls, deflating your ego or taking you to the cleaners. Do not lose your culture and the values you were raised with simply because you dwell in a foreign land and amidst a different culture. Nigerians in Nigeria don't murder their wives because their marriages are not working out, they simply separate, divorce, marry second wives or some even resort to affairs to avoid the heat from within their household. [morally wrong but a better option than murder.]

Also, if your wife is the one piling up the aggression, report to the authorities before it gets to a point where you snap and kill.

Women:

1] Take time to get to know the men who are importing you before you embark on a journey to a foreign land with a near-stranger. If a man has aggressive tendencies, don't assume they will disappear without help.

2] Those of you who marry these import-seeking men should not marry simply to use them as passports to greener pastures. When these men realize these, depending on other factors already occurring in your real, fake or sham marriages, you might just push them to the edge.

3] Don't let a man force you into any profession or career you truly do not desire simply for financial gain. You might end up resenting him and act out once you gain your financial freedom.

4] Do not enter the nursing program on your own accord simply for financial gain or out of greed. The frustration of coping with the demands and stress of a nursing career and the clockwork hours will eventually affect and may even destroy your marriage; and if you are the type that becomes extravagant and no longer respects your husband as the head of the household simply because you now hold the purse strings, your change of character or revelation of your true character will simply add to the fuel that is destroying your marriage.

5] Do not control, disrespect or oppress your husbands simply because you have now gained financial independence and you may be earning much more than your husbands. Do not use your financial strength and/or stability to whip your husband should he lose his job or earn a lower salary either.

6] Be wary of the type of friends you keep, most especially those in your profession from other countries whose culture and outlook different from yours. Bad company corrupts good morals, and advice that do not fit your situation or bad advice from such will eventually influence and contribute to the destruction of your marriage.

Also, be wary of the type of advice you get from your parents, in-laws and other family members who are not a party in your marriage and may influence your decisions by giving bad advice that may end up costing you and even them their own lives. Some parents live through their children and see these men as passports to financial gain. No man wants to have his marriage directed or orchestrated by his in-laws and the frustration of feeling ganged-up on might push him to snap.

7] When you choose to separate from or divorce your husbands, do NOT take them to the cleaners, like the Americans do. It is not the Nigerian culture. A man who has nothing left may feel he has nothing left to lose, especially in a foreign country where he already lacks the family and social support he needs to ride the storm through.

8] If your husband has aggressive tendencies, both of you should seek help, forget having pride or what others might think or say and instead think of your emotional health and the long-term benefits to your marriage. This act might just save your life and/or those of your children and other family members at a later date. Simply calling the police is not enough, seek help to eradicate the problem before it escalates or once it begins to surface.

Restraining orders in America have been known to perpetuate kidnappings, murder and other strange acts by men who feel they have not only lost their money, wives, assets, houses, cars but also their dignity, when they no longer have access to houses they might still be paying mortgages on, and they now need permission to go see their children sporadically in these same houses. The scenario is worsened when their wives or ex-wives also decide to rub mud in their faces by permitting their new lovers to reside in these men's houses. A man in such scenario sees all his sweat and labour to solo or jointly struggle to purchase the house as blood and this may push him to seek vengeance and seek blood in return.

9] Think about your life and that of your children before making decisions that will affect your very life and the future of your children. Usually pride comes before a fall, but you don't want your pride, stubbornness or greed to come before your fall or in this case to cause your death.

10] Remember although you live in America or any other foreign land, You are NOT American, Philippino, Mexican, English, Asian or any other nationality or race. Our culture is different and the reason your husband married you was because he wanted the values of a Nigerian woman, not one who tries to control him or squash his balls simply due to financial independence, or because she now holds the purse strings; or because she now lives in America.

Cxsm
10th Sept. '08

© Cxsm 2008 All Rights Reserved

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May we be strengthened with the ability, willingness and capabilities to be good ambassadors of Nigeria contributing to its uplifting, rather than its detriment. - Cxsm

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

These guys are nothing but devilish beings and it goes back to one thing, UP BRINGING and no fear of GOD at all.

May God help us.

Femi

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Well said.

Funto.

Editor · Site Admin Joined: 09 Mar 2008 Posts: 142

Women in similar situations can learn from this story He Has Refused To Eat My Food and the advice given thereafter http://naijapositive.myfastforum.org/about2955.html