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Daddy's Little Girl!!

Vanguard
OPINION
Debbie Ogunjobi
24 Nov. 2007

Girls have always had a special relationship with their fathers, while boys, at times, tend to lock horns with their dads, most girls always find a way to twist them around their fingers! A father or even a father figure is such an important part of a woman's make up that it is often the foundation for whom and what she eventually becomes!! In the same vein, boys tend to bond with their mothers and develop a closeness that is life long and special! A girl's father in an ideal situation is the first and most enduring love of her life. The man that he is and the father he is able to be will determine what kind of individual she will grow up to become; it's that simple!

For all of the nurturing and discipline that a mother showers on her girl child, her efforts will never quite be rewarded with the almost blind devotion that most girls bestow on their fathers. In a perfect world, love and devotion is reciprocal; one has a right to a reasonable expectation that such devotion would deserve loyalty, care and protection but it is far from a perfect world and daddy's little girl is in big trouble!

It's easy to condemn the youths of today but they just reflect who we all are. They are the products of their environment. I lost count of the names given to label the boys who openly carry arms and the girls who have turned themselves into commodities available at almost no cost! One new one, however, caught my attention during the week, the "Aristo" (a good time girl), I had heard before but I had never come across "Merchant."

So, who is a merchant and what business does he have with our young girls? According to my sources, the merchant is the agent who sets up the girls, mostly female students in our higher institutions, with their potential customers! Ordinarily, I would have classified him as a pimp or a madam but it is not an adult who specialises in organised prostitution of young girls but actually a student who takes up the trade to enjoy a sizeable commission of the takings! His success as a merchant depends on his ability to supply fresh young girls to, sometimes, aging old men who should know better! The girls are provided as "escorts" and "entertainment" at parties and are used for any sexual fancy that is demanded. They don't even have to know the identities of the people; they just jump into the cars and head out into untold dangers!! A young, brilliant and vibrant generation is turning on itself and will be self destroyed without intervention!

The problem didn't start today or with this generation, it's been a festering sore that was always in the closet!! Sugar daddies are not new; sexual favours are exchanged by men and woman, most of it for financial gain or even thrill. The difference is that the shame that used to cloak such activities has given way to brazen effrontery. This generation has come out of the closet to do openly what the previous ones did secretly; they didn't create the problem, they are just building on the foundation that they met! I watched a documentary on the plight of Nigerian girls exported to Italy for prostitution and was appalled at the inhuman treatment those young girls were subjected to!!

They were reduced to sex slaves by the madams who had paid their fares from Nigeria and brought them to Italy. I personally didn't buy the excuse that most of them expected to go and work as domestic servants but I don't think they expected to be serially gang raped, sodomised and even be forced into intercourse with animals. It is appalling and an indictment of our collective humanity that the girl child has been turned to a commodity while we all do nothing but condemn from a distance. Instead of fixing the problems we have on our local campuses, we are now exporting our wards to universities abroad; I hear the Nigerian students in Ghanaian universities are almost more than the Ghanaians themselves!

I will be the first to admit that times are hard; they have been for quite some time but that is still no excuse for discipline to be completely dispelled from the household! Granted. it is difficult for a father to instil discipline and retain his authority over his household where he is financially handicapped, but, he must still find a way. The value system of our society is being eroded by greed; most girls have found that they can buy their way out of discipline and that is the crux of the matter!! I am not in any way blaming fathers for the moral decay, but, I strongly believe they can arrest the trend not just with discipline, but, with some tough love! The girls have started to see themselves as commodities worth only what they can generate!! Some families have taken to sacrificing their female children to provide for the family. I know this because I have witnessed a mass deportation of young girls from Italy and saw mothers and fathers come to welcome their children!

I didn't see anyone showing remorse or shame that the deported prostitutes were doing anything wrong; what I overheard were reassurances that they would soon return to Italy to ply the trade that kept the money rolling in. A spirited effort by some well meaning Nigerians and state governments has shifted the frontier of prostitution from Italy to Greece but the heart of the matter is still the sacrifice of the girl child and the bad news now is that it is happening right here!

There should be love and closeness between a child and her parents but at no time should a parent stop being a parent. There is a line of authority that should induce fear if ever crossed but I am beginning to think that some parents have lost the right to be parents. What they have become is a "merchant": they are no better than the male students who pimp their female counterparts to men!! A couple of years ago, a young girl had been brought to one of my stores by her mother; they wanted a dinner dress and I had been drafted to help choose, so I had gone in to the changing room with her! What I witnessed in the 20 minutes or so time they were there has left an indelible mark on my psyche since.

The girl had been in a state of undress when this aging and weathered looking expatriate old man had pushed his way into the small cubicle; I was about to push him out when the girl's mother said it was ok. I can still hear her voice clearly in my head as she said "not to worry, it's her husband". I've got nothing against people marrying older people, but, my shock and horror was as a result of the age of the girl in question!! Her breasts were at the early budding stage, so she could not have been more than 13 and that in my view is paedophilia!! While I was still trying to hide my shock, the man in question proceeded to fondle the almost non existent breasts right in full view of her mother, myself and a few other customers who were watching this insane drama! The girl herself looked more like a frightened bird than a willing accomplice; so, it couldn't all have been her choice!

Women are attracted to figures of authority; it has always been so and will most likely always be so. Something about a figure of authority is reminiscent of a loving father figure and may represent care and even protection! A psychologist friend of mine says it is because we are recreating the relationships we should have had with our fathers with a Freudian twist!! (when I was a child, the safest I ever felt was with my father, I was daddy's little girl and nothing could harm me!) It's his opinion that the young girls have totally disconnected with the protective love of their mothers and fathers and as such really don't care what happens to them. While I am not totally sold on his point of view, I do believe that society may have let the youths down; the role models are few and far between and those who rape their innocence are those who should know better!

Most of the men who patronise the merchants to use the girls are fathers themselves; I wonder how they would feel if their own daughters were used and discarded the way they use other people's children? Parents have a tougher role to play if they must salvage this generation and subsequent ones from peril.

If you can't afford to give your child expensive things and you see that child with such, your duty has a parent is to investigate and call your errant ward to order!! To look away or even benefit from the reward of bad behaviour makes you no better than a merchant or a madam in Italy! To the young and wilful, I advise caution; "your actions have consequences; there are diseases money can't cure and who knows what could happen on any of these wild escapades. The race is not always to the swift."

Copyright © 2007 Vanguard

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May we be strengthened with the ability, willingness and capabilities to be good ambassadors of Nigeria contributing to its uplifting, rather than its detriment. - Cxsm