NaijaPositive.com

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Are Today's Youth more Disrespectful?

While it is more likely that children of Diasporan parents will be raised in the Diaspora, some parents also entrust their children to be raised by appointed Guardians who may be family members, friends, or some recommended adults; while some parents simply entrust their children to boarding schools trustees.

As a result of the variety of ways in children are raised, they obviously would turn out differently, but one thing they all have in common is environmental influences, above and beyond how they've been raised. Compared to Youth or the past it seems more apparent that some significant changes that have occured are not only becoming very obvious but also have major impacts not only on how these Youth turn out in their adult lives, but also on how they are influencing society at large.

Societal influences affect children regardless of their race or nationality, and as prominent as it is in the U.S., considering the effect of U.S. mainstream attitudes and media on the world at large, this may evidently be becoming a worldwide concern.

A significant number of children today have been raised to speak their mind regardless of the consequences, and obviously do not hesitate to ask questions (sometimes without tact), while very much doing as much as they please, because they feel empowered by the rights given them to call the police or other establishments at whim.

A growing majority now talk back to adults, whether it be their parents, guardians or teachers. Some have ATTITUDE problems and the adults in their lives sometimes feel powerless to correct or chastise them for fear of being prosecuted, locked up or plain simply shot.

What do we make of this? Have the children been raised to be disrespectful or is it simply a TRUMP card that the authorities have given them that is leading to their attitude problems?

Yes, laws are put in place to protect children's rights, but have adults literarily given up their powers as adults to the Youth of today? It used to take a village to raise a child, now you may get reported to Social services or the police for trying to discipline your own child, let alone someone else's child.

For example, children are encouraged to report any inappropriate touching by adults, but sometimes the lines are not clear between what is considered affection and what is child molestation when such incidences are reported by children, especially in cases where the children are being led to or coached, rather than simply being permitted to report the incidences as they indeed occurred. Is there any wonder that DNA reports in the U.S. show that a significant percentage of men accused of rape did not infact rape the women?
Are these some of the behaviours learnt as children that have been carried into adulthood?

Lying, manipulation, laying blame after all are not behaviours any of us were born with, these obviously being learned behaviours can only propel a child into adopting worse behaviours.

Children left UNdisciplined due to fear of repercussions by their parents usually end up in trouble at various stages of their lives, while some end up ad juvenile prison statistics or simply DEAD.

There is nothing wrong in encouraging a child to be assertive and confident in speaking their mind, but is it everything in their minds that adults need to hear, including the rudeness and disrespect which some of today's children express and exhibit in their speech and body language, and sometimes generally bad attitude?

We watch TV advertisements wherein children talk back to their parents or other adults and some think they're simply funny, but what are the repercussions of such portrayals? An example is one AD that the child responded to his Dad saying his armpit stinks.
Adults can discern, but how many children as wise enough to realize that such attitudes are improper considering that is what they are constantly exposed to TV.
Beavies and Butthead kind of shows are some of the shows and movies that adults may see as sick minded, and would never take seriously, but how many children experiment with the acts performed in such shows when they gather with their peers in school or in their neighbourhoods?

Some Diasporan parents have opted to send their children home to learn better etiquette in their home countries where prevailing negative influences are less mainstream, and for even the children who were developing attitudes prior to being sent to their home countries, significant changes in their etiquette, morality, general attitudes, respect and behaviours are often quite apparent and very well noted.
This though is not a viable option for all Diasporan parents, neither is it always feasible for parents who are citizens of the Diasporan or host countries, as they don't have the inbuilt option of sending their children abroad or away from their own home base.

So the question remains "Are Today's Youth (regardless of their nationality or race) more Disrespectful?" and if that is the case, "What can we as adults do, to reduce the growing trend?"

After all they will be tomorrow's leaders

Cxsm
10th April '04

© Cxsm 2004 All Rights Reserved

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Interesting discussion. Yes, kids today are more assertive, speak their minds, regardless of the repercussions, do not hesitate to ask questions. I think these are good qualities that help them excel, encourage perseverance and keep them from following the crowd blindly. That is the good side, without balance then, there are the attitudes, anti-social behaviors, defiance (adults and getting into trouble with the law).

In general, looking at most kids that I see today and work with, I don't think today's youth are more disrespectful than our parents thought we were disrespectful back when we were growing up. There are lots of exception to this rule (today's kids not quite more disrespectful) and you stated those in your email. For example, parents are not spending the needed time (not quality, quantity, there is no such thing as quality without quantity) to teach and train up their children and dealing with issues such as respect.

I believe, we can have open communication with respect. Children can be taught to discern when to open their mouths and when to keep it closed, even today with all the freedom, assertion and tolerance given to our kids today.

If you think about when we were growing up, our parents also complained that we were not as respectful as they were and that we, so I think as long as there is a generational gap, the older generation will always thing the next generation has so much more to learn, I think this is natural. This ought to spur us to wake up and do all we can to educate not just our kids but others. And, it is more challenging to correct other kids because of some of the negative things people have done in the past.

Maybe I live in a different world but I will correct my children and their friends and the kids in the neighborhood and the kids at church. Most parents are okay with this. There are few parents who will complain and so I just leave those kids alone. Most of the parents that I know and respect their parenting styles (I "know" not casual acquaintance, is the important phrase), are allowed to correct my children but kids are smarter than we give them credit and they will see inconsistency in adults and as a result will not listen to those adults who are not consistent in their talk and walk. But they should be taught to not do this respectfully.

All, in all, our kids are like we are to our heavenly father. With God, even though He has given us all the instructions we need to lead an abundant, healthy, respectful, loving and wonderful live, we seldom follow His instructions and as such we make mistakes or even act in rebellion and that is when He gently disciplines us but He is always so merciful and graceful and loving in His discipline, so we as parents and aunts and uncles will see our kids not do what they are taught, so we will remember to be patient and graceful and merciful to correct and discipline. A lot of parents today do not understand the gentle balance of love & discipline, it is challenging and with all the other pressures of the world today, we are tempted to ignore one or the other (love or discipline) to the detriment of the next generation as you said.

One last thing, Abuse is real and there are whole lot more unreported than there are lies and though I allow some people to discipline my kids, they are taught to beware and get away from any adult who tries to manipulate (molest, abuse, whatever) them and if they have to be rude or aggressive to stop the person, they are given the permission in this instance. I see too many adults in counseling who were molested, raped, abused as a young person and they were too afraid, intimidated, respectful to an adult who did not deserve an ounce of respect for what they did to the undeserving young person. So, this is something we have to be very careful about because it just seems that the pressures of life and relationships keeps multiplying the desire for people to take advantage of younger and younger people, believe it or not the youngest age that has been molested/abuse (sexually) is months and oldest in their eighties. What could a baby or defenseless old person do to protect themselves from predators?

So, to me, it is not quite as simple, to say this generation is more disrespectful considering what they have to deal with that we did not really have to deal with or not to the extent that they are dealing with things (mass media, drugs, over-sensual society, over-materialistic society, etc),... So, I just wanted to point out some of the positives of asserssion, open communication, etc that is balanced with respect, love and obedience. My 2 cents...

It is always great to read your emails...

love,
Buki
12/1/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Re: are Today's Children More Disrespectful?

Again CXSM, interesting thread. I think (sometimes ha ha) that kids are a direct reflection of their parents but this is not always the case. Take me in point, when I was younger, I was a wild child and did whatever I wanted to do. My parents raised me well but I decided to be a fool which wasn't their fault. Anyway, I have since learned from that!

I do see a lot of disrespectful kids but more so on the Caucasian side. Most black folks I know would never let their kids be disrespectful to them or to anyone else for that matter. The folks I do know don't believe in "timeouts"; they believe in the real smackdowns if you know what I mean! I see many kids that curse their parents, use profanity and their parents say nothing. Look at Ozzy Osbourne's family. All of them are jacked up except for the oldest daughter. Note she is not on the reality show with them (smart girl).

Even at my age, I don't even want to let my mother know that I even know profanity and that I sip the bubbly from time to time:

That is out of respect for my mother. When I go to visit my parents, I do not stay up late in the streets nor do I play "worldly" music since they don't like that. However, what I do in my house is different but I do have a level of respect for my people.

As far as that molestation issue goes, we were raised to know the difference and to speak up if something like that would ever happen to us. Children left undisciplined seem to believe that the world owes them something which we all know is not the case. My father once threatened to give me a "whupping" and I told him that I would call the police. Do you know that my dad handed me the phone and told me that I should call and that he was ready to go to jail for my behind!!! Ha ha. Some kids I would like to whup cause I feel they need it. I don't mean whupping kids like in the Antwoine Fisher movie. That was severe abuse.

You mentioned that sending the kids to Africa is what some people are doing. Personally, I don't see the point in doing that. My husband feels that by going to Nigeria the kids will know how to act..umm, a kid is a kid is a kid no matter where the child is. Had he said he wanted the kids to go to Nigeria to learn Nigerian culture for the summer would be ok. I am curious to know how it feels to send your baby overseas...Maybe I should post that in the other thread you started CXSM???

LadyK
4/11/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Whup their ass! Whup their ass!! Whup their ass!!!

Spare the rod and spoil the child is the golden rule. Yes I have seen bad ass kids on both sides of the color divide. It is pathetic that people would let their kids usurp their authority as elders/parents. My rule is to whip as needed. If I have to go to jail for disciplining my child, so be it. I'd rather go to jail for that than have the government and its agents help me discipline the child with handcuffs et al.

Maverixz
4/13/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

That's all you can do my brotha!

LadyK
4/13/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Ladyk! maverixz! Pls Sir and Madam watch your language!
I'm sure "bad ass" and "whup that ass" are part of the language we wouldn't want those kids to be repeating. The keyword is DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE!!!. Parents self discipline, then discipline the kids.

(By the way, I know cxsm, maverixz, Sola and LadyLK are all no nonsense disciplinarian parents )
Failing that, boot camp always works wonders on kids ( a group of British teenage tear-aways were sent to an American boot camp recently ).

ciao
The Dreamer
4/13/04

admin · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5404

Speaking of "whup that ass" I am reminded of a true story: during the Brixton riots in London in the 80s, two teenage boys decided to go out and see what was happening and do their share of rock-throwing and looting. Lo and behold who should turn up but their mother - and she beat those boys all the way home, in front of their peers! I'll bet it made them think twice about getting into trouble again.

What I have never understood is the attitude "send them home and they will learn their culture". Why? Why is it that children from the Asian continent don't have to be sent home to learn their culture and language, but it is considered the "only way" for African children to learn theirs?

I'm inclined to think that parents who fall into this category tend to be too accommodating (i.e. throw out the more important aspects of their own values once they leave home), teach their children very little of their own culture, language and values, and expect society to be responsible for raising their children. Are we surprised at the way the children turn out?

Nozza
4/13/04